It was called The Park, or as we said in central Maine, “The Pahk.” I only went there once, and I’d have to say that attendance was semi-voluntary. There were the competing factors of teen boy hormones and a professed hatred of disco music.
Yes, it was 1978. I was sixteen years old and I wanted to go out with Dori. The fact that I would put myself through the misery of a real disco gives you all the evidence necessary to prove my level of desperation.
The Park was the real thing — leisure suits, ultra-amped bass, and flashing lights embedded in the dance floor. Dori might have been the draw, but 30 seconds in and I began to secretly pine for my cheapo stereo and my Bad Company records. Since I got to hang around with Dori, I got to thinking that maybe the place wasn’t that bad. And, despite my protestations, I actually did like some of the music.
Except for the Bee Gees.
I just could not figure out the attraction. Big, scary hair. Big, scary teeth… and that damned falsetto. What the heck was that?!
“Stayin’ Alive” was probably played that night, as well as “You Should Be Dancin.” I’m not sure during which ballad it was, but I’d take a bathroom break and returned to find Dori dancing very closely with some other guy. What the heck was that?!! I bet the song was “Too Much Heaven.” Yeah, it just had to be.
Well, on the way home all was forgiven as much trading of personal spaces ensued. Maybe Dori took pity on me for that other guy thing, or the fact that I put up with The Park in the first place. I didn’t really care, as her proximity pretty much overwhelmed me with that intense hormone flush. Oh man, those body chemicals will make a boy rationalize pretty much anything. Bee Gees? Ah, who cares?!!
So all these years later, I’m reading my favorite web comic: Questionable Content, when artist/author Jeph Jacques announces (via Twitter) that he’s off to see the world’s best heavy metal Bee Gees tribute band, Tragedy. Well now, this I just have to check out.
Sure enough, Tragedy takes the hits of the Bee Gees and dips them in a kind of Guns ‘n Roses/Spinal Tap soup. All the hits are here, including “Stayin’ Alive,” “Jive Talkin’,” and that damnable “Too Much Heaven.” They might piss off a few Bee Gees fans, but I think it’s freaking hilarious and a lot of fun. Besides, how can you not like a record titled “We Rock Sweet Balls And Can Do No Wrong”?