‘ello kiddies. Happy Halloween. I have an idea…I’ve always wanted to do this. Hope you don’t mind.
I have a couple of scary huge speakers. Tonight I’m gonna hook ‘em up to the biggest amp in the house (which, if you’ve gotta know, has 200 Watts of trick-or-treater-shakin’ power). The speakers will be stuck in the windows. Just as you ‘lil devils start to approach (which in uber-suburbia is 6PM), I’m going to let loose with some:
If I choose carefully, you might just be to ascared to ring that bell…and I get to keep all of the candy!
This is what you’ll hear:
“Sovereign” – Neurosis (Sovereign EP)
Big. Grinding. Slow. Heavy. You can almost feel those flames lighting your costume on fire. Heck, sometimes this stuff scares me…and I’m supposed to be a grown up!
“This Is The Law Of The Plague” – Diamanda Galas (Plague Mass)
The booming, foreboding drums. The chanting. The recitation of Leviticus. Galas’ terrifying, otherworldly voice.
I wouldn’t ring that doorbell!
“Symphony No. 1 (Third Movement)” – Glenn Branca (Symphony No. 1 (Tonal Plexus))
A pile of electric guitars hammer and bow away at a single E chord. Some dissonant horns drop in to push the weirdness over the edge…and to add a two-note repeat that brings to mind a siren announcing the end of the world.
“Disturbing The Priest” – Black Sabbath (Born Again)
Ian Gillan at his most evil. Tony Iommi ripping shards of metal blasphemy. This ain’t Avril Lavigne. It is a little upsetting…especially if you’re seven years old. You still want that candy?
“Ballad Of Dwight Fry” – Alice Cooper (Love It To Death)
The sound of a man going insane.
“Careful With That Axe, Eugene” – Pink Floyd (Ummagumma)
Classic rock’s psychedelic slow-burn to insanity. It made those neck hairs rise the first time I heard it…when I was sixteen. Wonder what a second-grader dressed as Sponge Bob will think?
“Black Angels” – Kronos Quartet (George Crumb) (Black Angels)
Subtitled “Thirteen Images from the Dark Land”, this is one frightening chunk of music. Like a good horror movie, just when you think things have calmed down…the entire quartet shrieks back to life. If I heard this blasting from a window I would turn around and go home back to my nice, safe Playstation.
Happy Halloween Kiddies.
(First posted on Mark Is Cranky)