According to a recent study by the internet cigar retailer WhatsKnotToLove, Father’s Day — that shameless day of the year when wives, daughters and sons have to publicly humiliate themselves in a quest for a gift they know will go unappreciated — has become a national epidemic. More than sixty million American Fathers are affected by a disappointing Father’s Day, and it is estimated that half of those try to conceal the fact with crooked smiles and unintelligible mumbles that invoke the Need a Moment? Twix Bar commercial. Fortunately, the disease rarely causes permanent disability — if the syndrome is identified early and gift-givers comply with at least one of the five following treatment strategies.
#5. Buy Him a Cigar Cutter (Dad Would Really Like to Stop Clipping Cigars with his Teeth):
A fine fellow by the name of Kurt Van Keppel realized in 1994 that there were not many well-conceived alternatives to removing cigar tips with your teeth. Cheap cigar cutters were wobbly, dull and boring to look at, and expensive cigar cutters were — well, wobbly, dull and boring to look at. So Kurt got together with his friend Scott to make a cigar cutter that was sturdy, long-lasting, could woo a date with its good looks, and was sharp enough to impress the Spanish Inquisition’s guillotine squad. The result was the Xikar cigar cutter, now a market leader in the industry.
#4. Buy Him a Desktop Humidor (Dad’s Tired of Storing His Cigars in a Roll of Socks):
It’s a fact: most of us don’t need a hutch-style humidor the size of a wardrobe that includes a gateway to Narnia. We just want the cigars we have to last and maybe something sleek for our desk that will impress our boss. Good quality desktop humidors are easier to find than ever, and you can purchase beautifully polished wood humidors that include a box of cigars as an added bonus. There is a great desktop humidor made by Caribe that includes fifty premium long filler San Marco cigars. If any gift could be a hole in one, this is it.
#3. Buy Him a Cool Ashtray So He Can Stop Using that One He Stole From The Bar:
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Why? Because cigar ashtrays are no longer black and white. They have style, personality and class. Thanks to the innovative thinking of noted South Beach artist and ceramist, Bram Warren, cigar ashtrays are so cool they can be used for interior design. Working with styles like “River Rock”, “Celadon Crystal” and “Volcanic Ash”, Warren combines colors including steel blue, sage, birch, merlot and bronze to make the most distinctive cigar ashtrays available. The only hard part is deciding which one to get.
#2. Stop Obsessing Over Which Cigars to Buy, Just Go For the Cigar Lover’s Diary:
This is a no-brainer. Seven cigars that include a Don Diego Aniversario, an H. Upmann Vintage Cameroon, a Montecristo White, an Onyx Reserve, a Romeo Julieta Reserva Real, a Romeo Julieta Reserva Maduro, and a Trinidad all packaged within a diary-like book. Easy to wrap, easy to find and 0% chance of being a dud. If you close your eyes, you can see the smile wrapping around his face.
#1. Forget the Surprise Vacation, Give Him an S.T. Dupont Lighter:
You know that car commercial that explains the feeling of driving a traction controlled vehicle through the mountains with the windows down? It’s like that. The perfect combination of function and luxury. With a characteristic sound, simple and elegant designs and unparalleled attention to detail, S.T. Dupont lighters will be cherished as much in five years as they were the day they were given.
Only by employing one of the above treatment strategies can America hope to reverse the epidemic of the disappointing Father’s Day that is sweeping wildly across the nation. Now that you are equipped with this arsenal, you can freely explore the joy of the occasion with your favorite loved one.