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The Fantastic Four pile of crap

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The Fantastic Four? you gotta be kidding me. This movie is a flaming pile of crap.

The movie should be split into two parts (farts might better describe the sections of the film: Producer Brain Fart #1 and Producer Brain Fart #2). Part one feels like a movie that knows it sucks and makes jokes at its own expense. While this half of the show is decently paced with scenes that might make you laugh (with each joke you feel the integrity of cinema kicked down a notch) it also has the unfortunate duty of setting up the audience for brain fart two: the “action.”

The second part of the film gets caught up in the action, and in the rapping of plot lines, which no one cared about in the first place, and it veers off track into the uncharted territory of actually trying to be a decent film. Perhaps the spirit of the film got stuck under the hailstorm of product placements, or maybe it is just trapped under the things foot, but there is a point in this film where the end is the only redeeming value you can foresee.

If I had to pick an MVP for the film I would say Chris Evans who portrays Johnny Storm/The Human Torch. His comedic timing is pretty good, but his ego is goes sour, has a cliché aftertaste.

In case you aren’t following let me recap. First half is good because it does not seem to take itself too seriously. The second half tries to be a superhuman film and fails. How much should you pay to see this film? About as much as I did: $0.00.

The box office slump of ’05 is about to get dumped on.

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About Bat Boy

  • http://www.docofdiets.com dietdoc

    Bat Boy, I hate to hear this. I do like Michael Chiklis on “The Shield” but I couldn’t see him being in this movie. Ditto Julian McMahon from “Nip/Tuck.”

    It seemed to me like an FX television movie and, from your review, maybe they should have showed it there. (sigh)

    Cheers,

    Ron

  • http://www.usedcarsalesman.com chris franklin

    What I love is they are already throwing a contest out to the public in which “winners” will get to be “featured” in the Fantastic 4 Sequel!

  • SFC Ski

    “rapping of plot lines” I’d pay to hear the THing rap.

  • http://orsoithought.blogspot.com Bat Boy

    1, 2, 3 and to the fo
    what went bad? the thing dont know
    im a big ugly rock
    no girls wanna fawk
    be it slut, bitch, o hoe.

  • manfredo

    yeah .. but jessica alba look pretty nasty in that blue tight custume

  • http://blogcritics.org/author.php?author=Cerulean Cerulean

    Why do men think she’s so attractive? I think she’s sickly looking.

  • octo

    All I remember bout the fantastic4 I was real Wasted on jack daniels..and coke. to be able to enjoy it ..and as as i can remember jessica alba looks great in pantys..nice!. thats the only good part about the movie the rest is crap so if you go see it down a bottle of jack daniels..and it wonn’t matter if it sucked..cuz damn Jessica is fucking HOT!!!