What it is, is that on account of The Duke so adores Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster, I figured I’d give Metallica’s St Anger another chance. Come on, St Anger, I found myself saying. I’m sorry I laughed and laughed at you, and pointed, and wrote down all the hilariously shitty lyrics so as I could laugh without even having to listen to you, which was preferable, all being told. Come on, I said. Jump onto the old iPod right here, and let me hear you afresh.
You’d think it’d be grateful for The Duke’s generosity. You’d think St Anger would have gotten its act together, like a kid who maybe spits on the back of another kid’s head, and the teacher says about look, I’m not gonna tell your parents that you spat on Michael’s head, because I believe you’re a good lad at heart, but you better behave yourself, is what.
That kid would be so grateful that the teacher approached him on a human-to-human basis that he’d never again let phlegm fly from his face in the direction of a nearby bowl-cut. He’d be the best motherfucking student ever walked.
This St Anger, though, it just wants to taunt The Duke. Ha, it says, ha ha ha. You sucker, is what you are. You think I give a shit that you gave me the kinda chance few would even contemplate? Like the hairy fucks of Rome I care, is what.
So, I did what any man would do. I set about making St Anger listenable.
Over the next few weeks, or at least until The Man shuts his ass down, it has been alleged that Somebody may well be Tampering with A Certain Record, maybe making songs called things like Tantric or Santic or whatever half-the-length, maybe shredding the hell out of verses fit only to be mocked.
Maybe A Certain Spot On The Web-Net will play host to such antics, one track a week, until a Listenable Version Of A Certain Record is out there in the ether.
It sounds like the actions of a madman to me.
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