Back in the day, being the day just around 16th October 1998, a flick bounded forth from Hollywood that went ahead and kicked the bejeesus out of everything either side on the release schedules. Screw you Pi, said this particular motion-film. I don’t give some elses shit that you have a fella doing some number counting and then maybe drilling a hole in his head. And as for Buffallo 66, well, you can just get the first damn bus to nobody gives a flying gypsy’s fuck.
Lethal Weapon 4? I laugh in the face of Lethal Weapon 4, is what. You’re too old for this shit, Lethal Weapon 4, best get the hell out of town before you start talking about the war and pissing yourself.
The identity of this mystery flick was revealed as nothing less than Bride Of Chucky, the fourth number in the Child’s Play franchise, dealing with a smart-ass doll that likes nothing more than to maybe stab folks in the heel and laugh and laugh and say fuck.
Bride Of Chucky ruled on so many levels that I’m guessing even Stephen Hawkins is still trying to tie them all together in some unified theory of some kind. It was funny, it was ironic, it was gory, it was inventive, it had Jennifer Tilly, but most of all, it had two dolls having a sex or two.
Director Ronny Yu and scribbler Don Mancini, who had written every damn syllable of the series, conspired to produce just about the finest killer dolls on the run flick ever made. Ronny Yu, of course, had fine-tuned his craft with both Bride With White Hair films, and also Warriors of Virtue, about youngsters and such doing the fighting and the flying.
Post-Bride, Yu also went on to do the utterly fantastic Freddy Versus Jason. Don Mancini, however, took the shimmering sphere of opportunity and set about directing his first ever flick, being a sequel to Bride Of Chucky, A.K.MOTHERFUCKING.A Seed Of Chucky.
What happened at the end of Bride, was that on account of a load of sexes between the dolls, Tiffany gave birth, although it’s all very confusing what with the thunder and the lightening and the dolls trying to kill each other.
Seed Of Chucky goes about revealing that the offspring, being a fella named Shitface, is having to work for a biker ventriloquist sonnabitch in Glastonbury by pretending to be an average, everyday doll, which of course he isn’t, since he’s the brood of Chucky for God’s sakes, most likely he’ll cut the biker’s damn head off.
But no, he doesn’t know what the sweet Matilda’s goin’ on. He has dreams and such about violent murder, but doesn’t know where it’s coming from. Also, he looks like Ziggy Stardust-era David Bowie, on account of the joke is how he’s androgynous and all that, don’t know if he’s a fella or a lass, a Glen or a Glenda. Also, he assumes he’s Japanese, since all he knows of his heritage is that he was Made In Japan, as it says around his wrist.
Anyhow, turns out that Chucky and Tiffany are in the middle of filming a Hollywood horror pic based on their adventures, starring none other than Jennifer Tilly. Alas, our plastic lovers are still inanimate, so thank God Shitface makes it to Hollywood and reads out that “ooh ey dumbela” malarkey.
What occurs then is a kinda satire of Hollywood and such, although it’s more a satire of Jennifer Tilly, who proves once more that she rules beyond reason by playing herself as a complete slut, arranging sexes with Redman so as she can play the Virgin Mary in his upcoming religious epic.
Jennifer Tilly is just a motherfucking Goddess, is all there is to it. In fact, I’m guessing that if Kirsten Dunst was never invented, God forbid, we’d be living in a world were Jennifer Tilly is the best actress ever to have acted in an actorly manner. I’m guessing you saw Woody Allen’s masterpiece, Bullets Over Broadway? You’ll note that Jennifer was fantastic. And what about Bound, where she had a sex with a lady, a lady of her own gender no less. Probably you didn’t give much attention to the performances outside of that particular bit, and probably the VHS copy you have is picture perfect until that scene when suddenly it’s awash with grain and corruption, but note that the folks what did it (as in the film, not the same-sex sexing sexes) went on to make some film about The Matrixes or something, and you’ll note that, far as I remember, nobody ever heard of it. The reason is because there was no Jennifer Tilly.
In conclusion, then, Jennifer Tilly rules.
And of course, in Seed Of Chucky you get not one, but two Jennifer Tilly’s, since you’ll remember that she does the voice for Tiffany. In an act of Plato-esque genius, Mancini has made Tiffany Jennifer Tilly’s No. 1 fan, so we get loads of jokes about how she loves her, and Chucky says about oh for God’s sakes, her voice is fucking intolerable and so on and so forth.
Other things that result in Seed Of Chucky being a work of impeccable wonder;
It opens with a whole Looks Who’s Talking type semen exodus, starting inside Chucky’s plastic nuts and flying around inside the plastic hoo-hah of his lady-doll. It’s highly amusing.
It has the best Shining joke since the Simpsons spoof a few hundred Halloween’s ago.
It’s the only film about a doll doesn’t know if it’s a bloke or a lass that I ever remember seeing. Chucky calls him Glen, Tiffany calls him Glenda, just like the Ed Wood masterpiece, although there’s no scenes where the doll lies about on a sofa as a series of dancing ladies parade through the room. Points lost there, Seed Of Chucky.
However, for some unknown reason, Seed Of Chucky falls just short of Bride. The kid is a bit of a disappointment, truth be told. For sure, he looks like Bowie and he don’t know if he’s supposed to give or take, but he’s still ever so slightly annoying sometimes. Also, whilst it’s very smart and very funny for the most part, it’s not just as funny nor smart as the predecessor.
But it still rules, and since Seed, for obvious reasons, has to make do without the talents of the much missed John Ritter, its consistent brilliance is even more of a triumph. It feels like a more comedic reprise of Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, but yet it doesn’t get lost in it’s own smart-arsery.
Neither did New Nightmare, incidentally. That flick was a motherfucking masterpiece, and you can thank it for all those films about “boy, this is just like a horror movie” and such. New Nightmare was a dry run for Craven’s Scream, but it betters it, is the truth of the matter.
Anyway, Seed Of Chucky is brilliant. A fuck of a lot better than the part three, when Chucky went to Military School, that’s for damn sure. And thank god Mancini had the good sense to get rid of that Andy character when he was scribbling Bride.
Fuck you Andy.
The Duke resides at Mondo Irlando
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