So I’ve been thinking about cereal. You know, the breakfast kind? Scott got me started on it, actually. I’ve decided Cap’n Crunch is about the only breakfast food mascot I have any real faith in. I don’t trust Snap, Crackle or Pop or those chefs from Cinnamon Toast Crunch; these guys are all in league with the Keebler Elves, I’m pretty sure. . . Trix the Rabbit is clearly untrustworthy as well, by definition. Sonny, from Cocoa Puffs? He’s cukoo, remember? He’s the defining reason parents should not give their kids a sugared-up morning cereal. I also get the feeling Toucan Sam is up to something shady, especially since he brought those little nephews of his on the scene. . . Frankenberry? Count Chocula? Of course not. Who would be stupid enough to accept their morning meal from (1) a creature pieced together from old body parts (but evidently strawberry fresh!) or (2) a bloodsucker with a chocolate craving? You know CC just wants you to eat the chocolate so he can suck your blood and get his chocolate fix vicariously. . . And finally there’s Lucky the Leprachaun. Ha! Trying to distract me with yellow moons, blue diamonds, purple horseshoes? Where’s my pot of gold you little bastard?! This is why I don’t eat breakfast. . .