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The Australian Open Final Is Gonna Be Hot

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The Australian Open final between Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic should be an awesome display of tennis talent. The 5th ranked Russian and the 4th ranked Serb have so much in common. They’re both young, with … um … well, they’re similar in that … erm …

I’m sorry, I have no idea what their styles of play are. They’re both really hot, and that’s the only reason I care.

In four career head-to-head matches, they each have two victories. So that’s the tennis reason the Aussie Open final is highly anticipated. You could also throw in the fact that Sharapova is looking for redemption after last year’s embarrassing exit from Australia. You could also throw in short skirts and grunting.

Seriously, Jiminy Christ that’s some loud grunting. I don’t believe I’ve ever made as loud a sound playing any sport ever, although granted we’re talking about a very small sample size here. But it makes a great ringtone nonetheless.

And as for the sound Ivanovic makes when she plays, it’s still noticeable, but much more reserved and endearing. More delicate. The girl-next-door grunt, if you will. Some would call it a squeak. Absolutely nobody can let that kind of sound melt their heart a little. Aww.

This final has a little from both worlds. Don’t make me choose.

We must be such fortunate casual tennis fans to have this beautiful a matchup, although Daniela Hantuchova, who lost to Sharapova in the semifinals, is no slouch. And even Jelena Jankovic, who fell to Ivanovic, is nothing to sneeze at.

It’s quite a phenomenon how tennis has come to be the sport where all the beautiful women flock. There are cuties in basketball, but the physical exertion and gaudy jerseys don’t help us crave the women during play. Meanwhile, tennis has such graceful movements. And skirts. Short, short, short skirts.

Maybe it’s chauvinistic to tune into the Australian Open just for the hot babes. Okay, it is chauvinistic, and it probably always will be until the ladies are required to wear sweatpants and hoodies during matches. And even then it might be kind of cute. But it’s probably better to wear the fickleness of my tennis attention span as a badge of honor.

And I’m aware of the times when very good tennis players win championships but are just okay looking. It reminds me that there’s no correlation between hotness and greatness. It also reminds me that there’s probably something better on TV at that very moment.

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