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The Absolute Worst Album Cover Art… Ever..

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Since the Worst Cover Song post got such a good response I thought I would present the Worst Album Cover Art.

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Ok… Lets start with this one.. “Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday” by John Bult.

This one disturbs deeply. Mr. Bult is obviously an alcoholic child molester. The hat, half-empty beer and cigarette add that “special something” that makes me want to crawl into the fetal position and cry like a little boy.

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Next up.. Country Church

The Hair! The fake photography studio backdrop! The checkered pants and plain country dress! The tight sweater vests revealing all those lucious love handles, the greasy hair and overboard mustaches! The stiff, directed posing! Even the name of the Band itself all make this a bigtime WINNER!
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Now for my personal favorite…

Here she comes….

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Keep scrolling…

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almost there…

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I present….

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JOYCE!

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I don’t think I have ever seen such an inviting album cover. Joyce just oozes sexiness from every inch of her being. The hair, glasses, sexy dress and .50 cents tag make it a classic but my God man! It’s the rose that really puts it over the top. If someone can get a copy of this I’ll be forever thankful. I just have to hear what lies beneath this glossy veneer.

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Ok… So I can’t resist.. Here are some more. This one is Dave. Not only is he DEVASTATIN’, but he’s a turntable SLAVE!

ZIP ZAP RAP Baby!!

Talk about a kickin’ promo rhyme.

DEVASTATIN’ DAVE THE TURNTABLE SLAVE!

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Maybe the phrase “Let Me Touch Him” was not the best choice for an album title.

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Ok.. I found Joyce’s Soulmate!!!

KEN!

But Ken is not a musical whore like most. He is “BY REQUEST ONLY!”

How the photographer captured Ken like this I have no idea, I’m amazed. Look how natural he looks! The wood paneling and lighting left me in an artistic fever dream. My God, does it get any better???

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More Joyce!???

Either the woman in this “The Cooper Family” album is our beloved Joyce, or it’s Dustin Hoffman as Tootsie. I am not quite sure which…

Anyway, it’s a sure fire addition to this list…

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Mike Crain is the “Karatist Preacher”

Nothing says “Jesus loves you” like beating some cinderblock ASS!

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Band: We wanna look mean and dangerous!
Photographer: No problem do you have any animal skins and helmets you can wear?
Band: Of course our name is ATTILA!
Photographer: Ok.. Well my brother owns a meat packing plant, I’ll borrow some sides of beef we can hang up for the shoot!
Billy Joel: Rock on dude, you freakin’ rock!

Yes, that is Billy Joel on the right in a previous band called Attila.

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And you thought Elton John had some bad drag queen outfits in the 70s?

HA!

He’s got nothing on Mike Terry!

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Photographer: So Millie, tell me a little bit about your new album. What’s it about?
Millie Jackson: Well, I’m so sick of all the bullsh*t, so we are calling the album “Back to the Sh*t”
Photographer: Interesting… How do you feel about nudity. You know, tastful nudity,
Millie Jackson: As long as I don’t show my muffin, it’s cool
Photographer: I just got a brilliant idea! Well, put you on a toilet with your panties around your ankles and have you do your best “poop face”. Get it? “Back to the Sh*t”
Millie Jackson: Man, you got it going on! I even have the perfect purple vase we can incorporate into the shot!

The rest is history.

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Does Jim Post really “Love His Life”?

He doesn’t look too happy to me…

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Hey! That’s Not Funny!!

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This wins for most creepy bad album cover. All his friends are dead! That’s messed up man!

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Is that hair on your chest or do you have a skin disease? This one disturbs me deeply.

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So seriously, would you let this guy borrow your feeling?

Not me. I’m keeping my feeling all to myself. I could never trust my feeling with to a guy with fruked up eyes like that! Although the sleevless teal t-shirt really does offset his eyes nicely. This is obviously a phony one, but it gets included.

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Finally a band that we all know has made the list!

After disco died out and New Wave took over. The villiage people were right there ready to ride the new wave wave!

oh yea…. They failed miserably.

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What The Hell!!!

Talk about a bad trip…

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Banarne likes bananas. No wait a minute he LOVES bananas. He really LOVES bananas if you know what I mean.

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Help preserve bad album cover art for future generations. Please upload any of your horrible album cover finds here.

If you enjoyed this please visit the Rhapsody Radish.

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About Robert of the Radish

  • BRICKLAYER

    Whoa, I actually thought those were all pretty dang cool compared to the abundance of lazy uncreative covers I see nowadays. Now I just have to know what John Bult sounds like!

  • Vern Halen

    Urk. Not much to say after such a starling display of….urk.

    Got a question – anyone ever hear of this guy in Texas called Jandek that only sell albums through mail order business, won’t play live, and takes a seemingly random polaroid of something or other and uses it for album art? Them’s some pretty weird pictures too, but not as freakish as the ones shown here.

  • http://www.markiscranky.org Mark Saleski

    i thought to myself, “gee, i hope he’s got that Herbie Mann cover on the list.”

    ..and sure enough.

    also, this line: Nothing says “Jesus loves you” like beating some cinderblock ASS!

    is seriously funny!

  • http://www.musicradish.com Robert

    Jandek is the king of outsider music in my book.

    Check out this

  • Vern Halen

    Very cool link! Thanks Robert. Are there any audio files? I can’t seem to find any.

    I keep hearing that Blue Corpse is one of the strangest/best albums of all time. If it’s as good as the Shaggs’ Philosophy of the World, I’ll have to track it down.

  • http://www.markiscranky.org Mark Saleski

    Jandek is definitely as WEIRD as the Shaggs.

    ‘good’ is left as an exercise for the listener.

    i kinda like him.

  • Vern Halen

    And I like the Shaggs. Who else could’ve written a song so brilliant it’s unfathomable as “My Pal Foot Foot”?

  • http://spaces.msn.com/members/dorksandlosers Tan Hoang

    I forget the album name, but you can add that album by John Lennon and Yoko Ono with them naked on the cover. It wasn’t too pleasant.

  • http://www.morethings.com/senate Al Barger

    The John & Yoko album with the nude cover was Two Virgins. What was so unpleasant about that album cover?

  • http://spaces.msn.com/members/dorksandlosers Tan Hoang

    Well… I admire John Lennon and seeing him naked distracted me from the music and there is not much that can overshadow John Lennon and his music… It’s kind of hard to believe, but it did.

  • http://sterfish.blogspot.com Sterfish

    Those album covers were absolutely hilarious. The real covers were the best but I did enjoy that “Can I Borrow A Feelin?” cover. That’s a reference to an episode of The Simpsons as “Can I Borrow A Feelin?” was the name of the album Milhouse’s dad recorded.

  • http://www.docofdiets.com dietdoc

    This, in my humble and insignificant opinion, is some funny stuff. Thanks for this, Mr. Burke. You sure made my Friday morning!

    Cheers,

    Ron

  • http://www.musicradish.com Robert

    I used to have a website devoted to bad music. So I am pretty familiar with the music of Jandek, William Shatner, The Shaggs, Shooby Taylor, Lucia Pamela, Jack Muridian, etc.

    My favorite however is Eilert Pilarm. A Swedish Elvis Impersonator.

    Listen to a couple Eilert songshere
    If you haven’t heard him you’ll thank me.

  • Shark

    Great post, hilarious stuff!

    One thing I really like about these albums: when some moron gets the chance to “design” something like this, they always pick THE WORST FONTS ever made.

    If you notice, almost every one of them have that in common. Some even use the same typeface family: ie. Can I Borrow a Feelin’ — Our Hearts Keep SInging.

    The most bizarre is the juxtaposition of the “All My Friends Are Dead” with the super-1970s-I’m happy! font!

    Also loved Devastating Dave’s subtlety: just in case you don’t get it, the word “ZAP!” is over his crotch.

    Oy.

    PS: Expect Hank Williams Jr. to cover “All My Friends Are Dead” as a follow-up to “All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down”

  • http://www.scopecreep.com/Rhapsody/ Robert

    Ha!

    I almost mentioned the “ZAP!”
    It stuck me as well. In terms of badness this cover is perfect.

    Now if we could only get the music files to go with these. Something tells me the music underneath is probably just as hilarious.

  • http://www.musicradish.com Robert

    I thought I would share this with everyone.

    One of these covers has affected me so deeply that I now use it as a friendly goodbye to my friends.

    I no longer say or “keep in touch with yourself” or “later” or “take it sleazy”, all of those phrases have taken a back seat to to perfectly constructed:

    “Rat On Swamp Dogg!”

    I suggestion you start using this phrase as a farewell too.

    We can really start a cultural linguistics phenomenon. It will eventually be used on Saturday Night Live and be traced right back here. To our beloved Blogcritics.

    Rock On Swamp Dog!

    Robert

  • http://www.scopecreep.com/Rhapsody Robert

    Hey why can’t we edit our comments? I get a permission denied error.

    I wrote “Rock On Swamp Dog!” instead of Rat On Swamp Dogg!”

    It is important that the phrase is “Rat On Swamp Dogg!”

  • http://www.musicradish.com Robert

    Guess what, Rat On! by Swamp Dogg was actually release in 1971 by Electra Records!

    Wow. Gotta find this album. Here is what Allmusic said:

    “The cover of this LP–Swamp Dogg riding a white rat, hands raised and fists clenched in triumph–lets you know that you’re not in for any ol’ R&B record, even before the needle hits the grooves. It’s a satisfying continuation of the eclectic soul-singer-songwriter mix of his debut. Vocally, Swamp Dogg sounds like a cross between General Johnson (of Chairmen of the Board) and Van Morrison; as a songwriter, he’s his own man. With the exception of Sly Stone, no other soul men of the period were investigating controversial topics with such infectious musicality and good humor. He takes on promiscuity with unbridled frankness in cuts like “Predicament #2,” and bemoans the eternal delay of American justice for minorities in “Remember I Said Tomorrow,” and twists Irving Berlin’s “God Bless America” into a protest song (and also, bizarrely, covers the Bee Gees’ “Got to Get a Message to You”). None of this endeared him to industry insiders, and Swamp Dogg was dropped by Elektra after the album’s release. It’s long been out of print, but in the U.K. Charly has reissued it on CD on a two-fer with Total Destruction of Your Mind. ~ Richie Unterberger, All Music Guide “

  • http://www.scopecreep.com/Rhapsody/ Robert

    Rat On! by Swamp Dogg is available on CD packaged with another one of his albums.

    You can get both albums on 1 CD for $2.95 here

  • Dave S

    Stop stealing Dusty Scott’s material.

  • http://dumpsterbust.blogspot.com/ Eric Berlin

    I had a bunch of horrid-looking LPs on my wall for years. Picked them up at some kind of fair in Berkeley for $1 — as many as I wanted. I still have one, my favorite: Detectives’ “It Takes One to Know One.” I’ve never even heard the thing but I suspect it’s Pure Genius.

  • The Theory

    If you want horrid album covers, try looking in the Southern Gospel section of a music store. What makes them worse is that they don’t even have the excuse of coming from the 70s, or some similar era. They are most within the past couple of years. The John Hagee Family’s cd “Stand” is terrible… and it’s from 2001.

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    Yes, some correlation between this post and that

  • http://www.templestark.com Temple Stark

    The Blogcritics’ editors liked this one. It’s a pick of the week. Congrats. Put the news up proudly on your site.

    We’ve provided a handy button to do just that at the link below.

    Here’s a link to the rest of this week’s picks and the reason why.

  • http://www.docofdiets.com dietdoc

    I am happy this entry was cited as “Pick of the Week.” I really haven’t laughed this hard at something online in quite a while This is comedy!

    Cheers,

    Ron

  • ClubhouseCancer

    I think these are great also, but the post is a retread of one that’s been going around the Net for many many years now. The porktornado site (the one with Dusty Scott’s unfunny captions) even says that it comes from somewhere else. Funny, but I don’t think something that’s not original content should be cited as a Best-of.

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    There was a comment above #23 that pointed this out, now missing, strangely.

  • http://iwouldntlivethereifyoupaidme.blogspot.com/ Henry Porter

    All these selections were a lot funnier the first time I saw them — at this site.

  • Eric Olsen

    there is overlap with the Dusty Scott post, but only some, and the commentary is different.

    The site linked in #28 is dedicated to bad album covers.

    How is this post “not original”?

  • ClubhouseCancer

    OK, I’m wrong.
    I guess it’s “original content” in that there’s nothing exactly like it elsewhere.
    But since it seems like the poster just chose most of the same ones as Dusty Scott, and then added some more of his faves from the Worst Album Covers site, it’s not a real original idea. Nor is the idea of adding sarcastic comments, which BTW are just as funny as Dusty Scott’s (ie not particularly.)

  • Eric Olsen

    well that’s another matter entirely

  • Eric Olsen

    I would also say the concepts of “review” “commentary” and “news reporting” are about as unoriginal as they get

  • http://iwouldntlivethereifyoupaidme.blogspot.com/ Henry Porter

    It’s not original because someone else chose all these exact same covers and Robert gave the impression he chose them himself. Someone else did the work for him. He just threw in his own comments — which ARE NOT as funny as the site I referenced above.

  • Eric Olsen

    show me where someone else picked all the same album covers

  • http://iwouldntlivethereifyoupaidme.blogspot.com/ Henry Porter

    Will you settle for 14 of the same albums, at a glance? See link to post 28.

  • http://www.templestark.com Temple Stark

    There were only three the same on the fornt that I saw. He added his own takes and words.

    If he’d copied the words that would be entirely different. Lighten up.

    We all saw Star Wars, does that mean we stole the idea to review it?

  • Eric Olsen

    Henry, I understand, but the link is just to the front page of the site. Is there a post where 14 appear? Or are 14 of these somewhere on your site?

    Robert, what are your thoughts on all of this?

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    Eric,

    I went and looked at one of the manifold ‘worst album covers’ sites – across two pages, there are 20 albums listed, of which Robert has 8 in common, but Robert also has 10 additional ones which are not part of this list.

    Bad taste is not a monopoly, I guess:)

  • Eric Olsen

    thanks Aaman, this is what I have found as well: intersection but not union

  • http://iwouldntlivethereifyoupaidme.blogspot.com/ Henry Porter

    Eric — This is the site I’m referring to. Click on the links of the pages listed and you will see Robert’s choices over and over. Apparently he looked at it and pillaged it, then — to his credit — found a few on his own.

  • Eric Olsen

    I understand, but that isn’t the same thing as copying

  • http://iwouldntlivethereifyoupaidme.blogspot.com/ Henry Porter

    Well anyone can look at someone else’s work and attach comments — with this shit, it just about writes itself. Personally I just think he should have referenced the site he got it from.

  • Eric Olsen

    I am still waiting to hear from him regarding methodology, sources, etc

  • http://www.musicradish.com Robert

    These albums appear on other sites because they are indeed the worst album covers ever. If you search for the best album covers I think you will find many of the same ones repeated as well.

    These are my personal picks as culled from all over the Internet and suggestions from friends.

    They are my picks and its my commentary. End of story. If you are saying that I should only have selected covers that have not been written about before. You’re just plain stupid.

  • The Theory

    There are books on the subject and most of them appear in those, too. Undoubtedly, the author of the site HP is referencing wasn’t original with his picks, either.

  • http://trinimansblog.blogspot.com/ Triniman

    You had me laughing out loud! These are really, really funny! I think my favorite is “Let Me Touch Him.”

    And Shark is totally right about the font issue!

  • Kenneth Food

    I remember thumbing through cut out albums back in the late 60’s-early 70’s and seeing a couple naked kids on the cover posed the same as John & Yono. Anyone remember this and who the album was by????

    KF

  • Brian

    Question…
    I am laughing my ass off, even now, but have to take it to the next level…
    What is Millie Jackson holding in her right hand???

    I think it’s more valuable than the purple vase : )

  • Revo

    Wow, they’re all so original…..just like The Sun and Boston.com.

    What are the odds of every site picking the same albums, considering there have been hundreds of thousands of records produced?

  • Irwin Schwab

    Wow… why don’t you rip off the Peter Pan guy and “All Your Base” while you’re at it?

  • tony the criminologist

    The album “Joyce” is a collection of the humour of the late comedienne, Joyce Grenfell. The woman on the front is actually Maureen Lipman and it’s a humorous cover too. The picture is NOT to be considered as a serious attempt to appear winsome.