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Tennessee County Seeks to Ban Slobs

ELECTION YEAR FAT FIGHT
March 22, 2004
(Rotters News)

In Rhea County, Tenn., commissioners unanimously voted to ask state lawmakers to introduce legislation amending Tennessee’s criminal code so the county can charge fat men and obese women with crimes against nature.

“We need to keep them out of here; they take up too much room,” said Commissioner Benny “Beanpole” Barett, who introduced the motion. Barett also asked County attorney Gary Fizzle to find the best way to enact a local law barring the obese from living in Rhea County.

Barett said he offered the crimes against nature measure, which wasn’t on the agenda, because of recent national and state events concerning obesity. There was little discussion before the vote, and commissioners never discussed the U.S. Supreme Court ruling last year that struck down Texas’s Overeater’s Law and affirmed adults’ constitutionally protected right to eat objects larger than their heads.

Ed Navels, president of the Chattanooga chapter of Parents, Families, and Friends of Overeaters, said he knows of fat men and women and their parents who live in Rhea County. “That is the most far-fetched idea put forth by any kind of public official,” Navels said. “I’m outraged. ‘Beanpole’ Barett is only trying to legitimize his neo-Nazi hatred and discrimination.”

After introducing the resolution to a standing-room-only Commissioners’ meeting, ‘Beanpole’ delivered a short speech that laid out his arguments for charging fat people with ‘crimes against nature.’

“I don’t want to hear that God made ‘em fat and so that makes it natural. It ain’t nature; it’s nurture! It wasn’t God’s will; it was their lack of one. They had a choice and they took the fat road. They coulda been normal, turned down Supersized fries and double-decker fatburgers — just say to “no” to that extra helping, but chose not to; they violated the Lord’s commandments. They’re big fat sinners in the eyes of God.”

Asked by another commissioner to explain, ‘Beanpole’ made his most passionate plea of the day.

“These obese, overeatin’ oinkers are an abomination against the laws of God. The Bible describes the body as a temple, not a Superdome stadium. Genesis says God made man in his own image; didn’t say he made him so fat that he couldn’t sit on an airplane or wipe his own butt. Biblical scholars estimate that Adam had about a 31 inch waist. Anything much beyond that is perverted!”

Barett paused to take a drink from his Diet Coke before continuing, “Almost as bad: these fatties sin against the taxpayers of Rhea County. If they don’t die young, they end up on disability — so either way, they cost the government. These fat people are a drain on public health funds; we’ve got to foot the bill when it comes time to take care of these slobs; they’re prone to diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attacks, can’t tie their own shoes, and usually get smelly toward the end of the day.”

His speech was met by a roar of applause from his supporters, and commissioners voted 8-0 in favor of the resolution. The next item on the agenda was the allocation of funds to purchase trucks large enough to transport fat residents to ‘relocation camps’ outside the county.

The Chairman of the Commissioners, Reverend Dick Head, adjourned the meeting, saying, “This will be our proudest moment in over 75 years!”

Rhea County, located about 30 miles north of Chattanooga, holds an annual festival commemorating the 1925 trial that ended in the conviction of John T. Scopes on charges of teaching evolution, a verdict thrown out by the Tennessee supreme court on a technicality.

The trial later became the subject of the play and movie Inherit the Wind. In 2002 a federal judge ruled unconstitutional the Rhea County school board’s Bible Education Ministry, a class taught in the public schools by students from a Christian college.

About Mark Shark

  • http://www.foliage.com/~marks Mark Saleski

    first they came for the evolutionists…then they came for the gays…

    now, the fat people.

    in other news, rhea country lost to wilson central 63-47.

  • Brian

    First of all your a fuckin idiot…I live in Rhea County Tennessee and the ban was to be against gays and lesbians…get your damn facts straight asshole

  • Shark

    Hey, Brian, looks like YOU’RE the fucking idiot — for two reasons

    1) You don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”;

    2) it was a satire based on your fellow semi-domesticated primates’ attempt to ban gays.

    PS: How’s the wife, y’know… yer sister?

  • Scott

    Just so you know, not everyone from Rhea County is a complete moron. The best part of living here is laughing at all the idiocy that happens around here. Although, I do admit that at times it is a bit embarrassing to say that I am from the county that tried to ban gays.

  • Brian

    Hey Shark, first of all I was born and raised in Chicago,IL which by my calculations makes me a fuckin yankee [Edited], 2nd, my wife is actually from Tucson Arizona, so she couldn’t possibly be my sister, [Edited]

  • RogerMDillon

    Brian, great comeback! And it only took 6 weeks.

  • Brian

    Your point??? Some of us have those litlle things called J-O-B-S, ya know, something you whiny ass Democratic Liberals know nothing about, hey Rodge…[Edited]

  • Brian

    That should do, now, before you hit that little pc thing called a ban button, please be warned that I do hack, and your ban will not stick, so fire away, but when you do, hell follows, you need to understan that Freedom Of Speech does not just apply to you, when you go calling a certain number of people in a state fat slobs, obease and all that Liberal Democratic bullshit, you best mother fuckin expect that I will also use my freedom of speech and speak how I want, oh and btw…don’t bother running this isp#, as it is spoofed, something hackers are well known for, you want a blog, then ya best allow freedoms cause mother fucker this is America, my computer, my net, my electricity that runs it, and you do not control what I do or say, understand all this before you ban, choice be yours [Edited], choice is yours!

    [Brian, as far as I can tell, nobody knows who you are, let alone wants to ban you. House rules, however, do not allow personal attacks on other commenters, so as long as you can live with that you'll be fine. Thanks. Comments Editor]

  • Brian

    Very Good, now step #2, Since you obviously do not want people to know the real story, and you would rather come off as a liar who fabricates the truth here is the real story, and btw Shark, the Rhea County Newspaper will be notified of this site in the morning and given the addy so they can press legal issues on you for copyright infringement, since you so childishly demolished a story they printed, once again, learn the truth before you speak with that Liberal mouth of yours, understood?

    Tenn. County Officials Seek to Ban Gays
    Wednesday, March 17, 2004

    DAYTON, Tenn. — Rhea County commissioners unanimously voted to ask state lawmakers to introduce legislation amending Tennessee’s criminal code so the county can charge homosexuals with crimes against nature.

    “We need to keep them out of here,” said Commissioner J.C. Fugate, who introduced the motion.

    County Attorney Gary Fritts also was asked by Fugate to find the best way to enact a local law banning homosexuals from living in Rhea County.

    The Rhea County action came after the Senate Judiciary Committee voted 7-1 Tuesday for a bill that would prohibit legal recognition of civil unions and domestic partnerships among homosexuals in Tennessee. Gay marriages already are prohibited in the state.

    The state senator who represents Rhea County, Tommy Kilby, D-Wartburg, said Wednesday he hadn’t seen the resolution and couldn’t comment on it until he did.

    “Yesterday in Judiciary Committee, they passed out a bill basically saying we will not recognize same-sex partnerships or civil unions from other states or foreign countries. I voted for that, and that’s my position on that issue,” Kilby said.

    State Rep. Jim Vincent couldn’t be reached for comment Wednesday.

  • Brian

    And the Tennessean will also be notified as it was thier story you took and changed:

    Homosexual ban in Rhea rescinded by officials

    DAYTON, Tenn. — Commissioners reversed a 2-day-old vote to ban homosexuals yesterday in the county where a jury 79 years ago convicted John Scopes of teaching evolution.

    Rhea County attorney Gary Fritts said the commission’s 8-0 vote Tuesday started a ”wildfire” of reaction that he contends stemmed from a misunderstanding.

    After the vote that took about three minutes, the commissioners hastily left the meeting in a room filled with about 300 noisy spectators.

    ”I’ve never seen nothing like this,” Fritts said before the commission meeting in the rural community about 30 miles north of Chattanooga.

    Fritts said he doesn’t think the issue will come up again with the commissioners. ”I think they got all the publicity they need about it,” he said.

    Despite talk about changing state law so the county can charge homosexuals with crimes against nature, Fritts said the Tuesday vote was intended to support Tennessee’s ban on same-sex marriages. ”I’m not saying it wasn’t discussed,” Fritts said. ”It will definitely be clarified because there was a misunderstanding. Sometimes you had five or six people talking.”

    Fritts said he left the Tuesday meeting intending to draft a resolution supporting the state ban on same-sex marriage.

    ”They wanted to send a message to our (state) representative and senator that Rhea County supports the ban on same-sex marriage. Same-sex marriage is what it was all about,” Fritts said. ”There has just been so much misunderstanding about this. It was to stop people from coming here and getting married and living in Rhea County.”

    Fritts said he advised the commissioners that they cannot ban homosexuals or make them subject to criminal charges.

    The U.S. Supreme Court struck down Texas’ sodomy laws in 2003 as a violation of adults’ privacy.

    Commissioner J.C. Fugate, whose motion to approve the resolution was approved Tuesday, declined to comment yesterday as he left, as did the other commissioners.

    Fugate also asked the county attorney Tuesday to find a way to ”keep them out of here.”

    The vote was denounced by Matt Nevels, president of the Chattanooga chapter of Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Social worker Esther Jackson, 24, of Dayton held a sign bearing the message: ”Breed Love, Not Hate.”

    ”I’m just making a statement that I don’t think it’s right,” Jackson said of the Tuesday vote. ”It’s just ignorance is all.”

    The politically conservative county holds an annual festival commemorating the 1925 trial in which high school teacher John T. Scopes was convicted of teaching evolution. The verdict was reversed on a technicality, and the trial became the subject of the play and movie Inherit the Wind.

    In 2002 a federal judge struck down the teaching of a Bible class in Rhea County’s public schools.