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Televsion: there’s always something on.

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Television, drug of a nation. And I like drugs.

What’s the point of TV? Marshall McLuhan said “The medium is the message.” But what’s the message? I’ve been watching for years and never figured it out. It always seems like any minute something will emerge. Some pattern will be made clear. That somehow there was some deeper meaning in the Dukes of Hazard. That it’s not just completely pointless. But it never happens.

Cases in point.

The Real World. Does anyone care anymore? Does anyone even watch? I mean, really, I want to know. If you really look forward to it let me know. Also, San Diego? Twice? Why? Why haven’t they ever done a show in Atlanta? There are 3 million people there. Has to be better than San Diego. I think the producers just want to do shows in SoCal because it’s close to their house. Why not a show in Houston?

I haven’t watched it since season 3. That was the one with that idiot Puck, right? Ever wonder if he knew his nick came from a play by Shakespeare? Think he ever actually read it? They could have an episode in my town and I probably wouldn’t watch.

Weather Channels. There are 3 of them on my cable. Why? Isn’t one enough?

Religion channels. Again, 3 of them. One is catholic and has a pirate nun on it. Seriously, a nun with an eye patch and a bad attitude. She needs a parrot, though. I think she already has a cutlass under that nun dress.

5 or 6 MTV channels on digital cable and all they ever show is hip hop videos. Even in Spanish. Two of them never show videos at all.

VH1. Just give up and put an all 80’s channel on. That’s what everyone likes, anyway. You would think nothing except hip hop and Britney even existed since the 80’s, from what’s on TV.

Home Shopping networks. There are 4 or 5 of these. I’m not sure since some of them only seem to be on after 1 in the morning. Why don’t they have an ebay channel? You could place bids on the phone. My grandmother, who is 76 and can’t use a computer, would love that. Can’t operate a computer but has 2 cellphones that are always bleeding edge technology. I think there would be a market for ebayTV. You call the 800 number and bid on the item on live tv.

Foreign TV. I need more of this. I need videos from Japan. I need Telemundo. Ever watch westerns in Spanish? They seem to work better that way. I need Russian game shows. I want to see naked French people at the beach. All I have is BBC America and all they ever show is the original version of Trading Spaces.

Prof. Brian O’Blivion writes:

“The television screen is the retina of the mind’s eye. Therefore the television screen is part of the physical structure of the brain. Therefore whatever appears on the television screen emerges as raw experience for those who watch it. Therefore television is reality, and reality is less than television.”

Death to Videodrome. Long live the new flesh!

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About H. Wayne Nix