The Fountain of Youth Flows Red

For centuries people have searched for a proverbial Fountain of Youth, a fountain whose water can actually slow down the aging process. From Juan Ponce de León to the modern day seeker, the search for the Fountain of Youth, much like the fountain itself, springs eternal.

While this fountain’s location has proven elusive, it’s believed to be somewhere near Florida, causing hopeful searchers to leave no Cadillac unturned. As the Atlantic winds blow onto the shores, the sounds of “here fountain fountain fountain” are often heard from afar.

The reason for this extensive hunt is simple: when it comes to life, everyone hopes to find an extension cord.

Though the Fountain of Youth hasn’t provided us with this extension — as its waters have yet to be packaged, labeled, and displayed in the vitamin aisles of the local market — there is something that may serve as a close second: red wine.

Red Wine Slows Down Aging
Most of us are aware of the health benefits of red wine. From lowering blood pressure to helping cardiovascular health, red wine is giving all sorts of diseases something to whine about. However, recent discovery has led scientists to believe that, in addition to increasing health, the consumption of red wine may single handedly decrease the mortality rate and slow the aging process. Belly up to the bar and order a Merlot, with an added dash of lifespan.

Calorie Restriction
There are a lot of things a person can do to increase the years they will live. From lowering cholesterol to working out on a daily basis, several practices work together to give the average person more years of living. Yet, nothing increases a human’s lifespan quite like the act of calorie restriction, limiting caloric intake to a minimum. Some researchers estimate that calorie restriction can increase lifespan by as many as 50 years.

From Alfredo sauce to zucchini bread, our world is a world that loves to eat. Because of this, restricting calories isn’t very feasible; we have a better chance at actually finding the Fountain of Youth than we do of not consuming the T-bone steak sitting on the dinner table, begging us to stick a fork in it.

Taking into consideration that humans aren’t likely to engage in caloric limitations, scientists began looking for a way that people could have their cake and literally eat it, too.

Article Author: Jenn Jordan

Jenn Jordan is a cartoonist in the Denver area. She loves drinking wine, watching sports, and her online gambling addiction could probably use an intervention. For syndication information, please visit her website at Greetings From Mars.

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