Despite the dirty looks and obscene gestures I get whenever I drive by a field filled with cattle or stroll by the local chicken farm, I stand by the notion that red wine goes with red meat and white wine goes with white meat. Sorry, Bessie. My apologies Chicken Little. It’s just a fact among humans. Please stop trying to get us back with Mad Cow and Bird Flu. Your revenge tactics are getting old.
Still, it’s not like you have to be a carnivore to enjoy wine. Pasta, breads, and cheeses all certainly enhance a good glass of wine as much as any piece of meat. In fact, it might seem that wine — especially after consuming too much of itself — will go home with anything. Fish? Chili? Desserts? Even Hamburger Helper? Wine appears to have no limits.
It may appear that way, but there are definitely some ingredients that go with wine about as well as the saying, “No, no, no, I’d rather have beer.”
Gum: It might be mint, it might be grape, it might even be a foot of Bubble Tape. Whatever it is, it should be one thing: spit out. Any flavor of gum can alter the way wine tastes. Even if the gum has been in your mouth for hours, and thus lost its potency, it can still have a noticeable effect on your taste buds.
For this reason, never sample wine while you are “with Chiclet,” and don’t chew gum in the hours before a glass of wine. If you happen to be chewing gum, spit it out and cleanse your palate. This will help you taste the wine, and not the Hubba Bubba.
Toothpaste: Don’t brush your teeth or use mouthwash before you sample wine. Sure, nine out of ten dentists may disagree, but listen to me, not to them. Brushing your teeth or shooting some Scope will ruin the experience.