The Demise of Joe Camel - Page 2

It was slick marketing rather than actual tobacco that made Marlboro the international favorite. The uneventful flavor becomes loathsome and tastes of chemicals. The ash flies everywhere. Walk in any measurable rain with one and watch how fast the flimsy stick disintegrates. If presented with a smoldering Marlboro Red, I'll put it out in my best eye rather than smoke it. I have a full carton and I'm looking for a buyer.

Utterly desperate to smoke something that damn sure wouldn't taste like Reds, I sullied my Zippo with Marlboro Menthol Lights. Menthols are ridiculous, and smoking "light" cigarettes is a pointless waste of lung capacity. Crack must have been in my quarter bent that day. Camel non-filters are still the same, but cost an extra $1 per pack and are not universally available. The same is true of the rich, delicious, toasty Lucky Strikes. These two brands are undoubtedly the best cigarettes in America. True, high-end smokes like Nat Shermans are sublime, but hardly comparable to a serious smoke like Luckies.

Winstons are my new smoke. They are touted as "additive free" - like I care; additives may taste good for all I know. "Naturally smooth," the pack reads. As demonstrated, smoothness is overrated. However, they actually do "taste good like a cigarette should." Although robust and positively superior to Marlboros, the flavor strength isn't quite that of an old Camel. I suppose this is as close as it gets. Winstons are a satisfying smoke with a round, distinctive flavor.

According to R.J. Reynolds, the tobacco in Winston Selects has been aged longer for a richer flavor. As I recall, they have more depth of flavor than standard kings, but produce a horrid room note and are available at few places but cigarette shops. Personally, I prefer the classic taste of regular Winstons.

Times are changing, and smoking is going the way of the once-venerable Joe Camel. To change with the times is to wallow in defeat. Nevertheless, some of us have been dragged down to the level of "compromise." Ironically, switching to Winstons only continues to reward the Camel-butchering scum. Cigarettes are with us always and they should always satisfy.

Article Author: Joe Harris

Joe Harris is a disgruntled writer with an affinity for loud music and paisley ties. The misanthropic fulminator enjoys sarcasm but has a tolerance for little else than alcohol. A veteran supermarket flunkie who abhors customers, Harris copes with the tedium of menial labor by brooding on the job. …

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