I always will remember,
’twas a year ago november,
I went out to hunt some deer
On a mornin’ bright and clear.
I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow,
Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow. Tom Lehrer, "The Hunting Song"
Ahh, the smells of autumn: crisp clean air, the first nip of frost, and gunpowder mixed with beer. What could be more typical of a Canadian November than grabbing a two-four of your favourite brew, your high-powered rifle, kerosene for lighting your fire, three buddies, and enough ammunition to start a small war. Then jamming yourselves into the all wheel drive to go bond with nature and see if you can't blow the head off a deer.
I was in no mood to trifle,
I took down my trusty rifle
And went out to stalk my prey.
What a haul I made that day.
I tied them to my fender, and I drove them home somehow,
Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow. Ibid
Now before anyone can start going on about whiney liberals (don't call me an effing liberal!) let me tell you that I have nothing against hunting, as long as you are actually going to make use of what you kill. I'd prefer you only kill if you have a genuine need for the food to feed yourself and the family, but as long as you're going to make use of the meat, I'm not going to complain. With prices the way they are at supermarkets almost anybody can justify bagging at least one deer a season to offset their grocery bill these days.
In fact I think it's a lot more socially responsible to go out and kill your own food than buying that pre-packaged shit they sell in grocery stores. You're at least not passing the buck, so to speak, when it comes to killing the animal you're eating. You want free-range organic meat, go out and get it yourself, don't have somebody else do it for you. It might ease your liberal conscience to not know how it's done, but it's damn hypocritical.
For anyone who wants to bleat about the inhumanity of hunting your own meat and killing Bambi, may I direct your attention to the nearest slaughterhouse and what happens there. Talk about inhumane treatment of animals. Packed in pens too small for them to move; listening to the death screams of the animals ahead of them in line; smelling the blood and offal from the slaughtering: I'm sure that makes for a swell environment for your last days on earth.
Article comments
1 - andy marsh
I'll have to agree it ain't real bright to play with firearms when you've been drinking!
I'll be in the woods in a few weeks. I do it every year...and I'll have nothing more with me to drink than a bottle of water.
2 - Nancy
Tom Lehrer! Oh, bless you, that brings back songs from him I haven't remembered in ages!
Several (but not all) states do have laws banning alcohol & hunting. None has any sort of minimum standards concerning following up or dressing game, and none of them make strenuous efforts to enforce any hunting laws (except ensuring the state gets its money for permits). This doesn't seem to be the fault of the wardens, who try, but they are far too few to oversee all the dickheads & would-be Natty Bumppos out in the woods.
I have found bow hunters to be the best of the hunting lot, not only because it requires more care & patience, but they also seem to be more inclined to see everything through correctly, including follow-ups, etc. probably because almost invariably the tutelage of an older, more experienced bowhunter is required. I might be wrong, but I don't hear/read much adverse to bow hunters compared with gunners.
Oh, I'm still laughing over that Lehrer song....
3 - Dave Nalle
Here in Texas we have mexicans to dress the deer and do all the dirty work for us. Mexicans - everyone should own a couple, or at least rent them.
As for indiscriminately shooting and 'wasting' deer, they're a verminous plague, and just killing them is doing the world a service.
Dave
4 - Nancy
LOL.
But hunting is SUCH a waste of time & perfectly good lead. Around here, all you have to do is drive up one of the local roads & there's all the dead deer you could possibly want, perfectly fresh & still steaming!
5 - Dave Nalle
Nancy, we don't use lead anymore - it's bad for the environment. We use Bismuth.
Dave
6 - Nancy
Ain't technology great?
7 - gypsyman
I know I am going to regret asking this but here goes, what's Bismuth?
gypsyman
Oh, how much does a good Mexican go for?
8 - JR
gypsyman: I know I am going to regret asking this but here goes, what's Bismuth?
Ask Tom Lehrer.
9 - JR
Oops! Wrong link. Let's try that again.
Ask Tom Lehrer.
10 - Andy Myers
I totally agree about hunting vs. slaughterhouses. At least with hunting you are getting some animal that has actually lived as opposed to being stuck in a crate. They taste better too ;)