First things first. I got back on the scale Friday after working out and it was at 306, which is kind of what I expected. The 310 reading seemed much too high and the 302 reading was much too low. I let my body balance out a bit and came up with 306. That is very good news because 300 is within my grasp. I can taste it, much like a sausage pizza with extra cheese.
This was a pretty boring weekend. I tell myself over and over again that I like to relax and do nothing at all times. But then when I have a chance to relax and do nothing, I hate it. Then I have no other options so I don’t do anything. Either that or I am not very creative. But really there is nothing to do around here. I need a tennis partner.
So here is a complete rundown of my entire weekend.
Friday
Got out of work at 7 p.m. Went to Subway; the cute girl was there. She knows my name now (since it is in the paper about five times a day) and calls me by it every time I go in. She even wrote it on my sandwich Friday night. So that’s good, I guess. Although there is no way she is out of high school. I am a dirty, dirty man.
I kept up with the dirty man theme around 1 a.m. For the first time in my life I subscribed to a porn site. That’s right, I am one of the newest members of sweetkrissy.com. It’s not really porn as much as it is just a really hot girl being naked. Why did I do it? Sheer boredom. (And the fact that I can’t find free naked pictures of this girl anywhere on the web. It was getting to be a little frustrating and time-consuming. And yes, I am a little uncomfortable talking about this.)
So then I went to bed and knocked out the last 30 pages of Ball Four, Jim Bouton’s recounting of the 1969 baseball season. It was the second time I read it. This time was just as good as the original.
But before I did all that, I watched the 2006 Best Picture Academy Award winner, Crash, on Showtime. It was fucking awesome. Fantastic movie. I’ll leave it at that.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
Dan, I don't think statutory rape is a recommended weight loss plan. I have no medical backing on that, but just trust me on it.
You're in the homestretch, dude. Slip in under the three bills mark by next week. But don't cut off any limbs to accomplish it. You'll regret it later.