Candy Review: Jones Soda Co. Carbonated Candy - Page 3

Green Apple - The benchmark for any green apple candy is usually the revered, but oft misunderstood, Jolly Rancher. I'm not sure if they have tapped the secret of green apples, or just the secret of concentrated sugar, but the kiddos love 'em. The Jones candy is surprisingly a strong contender, and the fizzy effect only adds to the fun. But although I was having fun just eating them, I still felt an emptiness in my soul that only reckless experimenting could cure. Let's just say that the new best way to enjoy these is to melt them together. To do this, you'll want to take approximately 8-9 pieces and a piece of waxed paper. Place the paper in the microwave and arrange the candy on it in a crude pyramid fashion. You'll need to keep an eye on it, but cooking time will be approximately 1.5 to 1.75 minutes. You'll end up with a little melted globule that will quickly cool and harden into something you'll try to scrape off the waxed paper. The taste won't be wildly different (although the fizziness will have subsided), but the satisfaction you'll feel from having learned to cook for yourself...well, let's just say you should celebrate your mad skillz with a couple more pieces of candy.

Berry Lemonade - The first thing you'll notice upon opening this container and examining its pleasing blue color in pill form is that they look fairly similar to Viagra. I guess I wasn't so surprised at this. After all, anonymous friends have been sending me emails for years now, insisting that I need Viagra. So when I got these, I just finally threw up my hands and said, "Fine! I'll try your stupid drug!" Who knew I would just wind up with a blue tongue, and nothing even remotely resembling a clothes hook downstairs? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, so I popped a few more. Same results. And to make matters worse, their label of Berry Lemonade was also just wishful thinking. I could tell it wanted to be something like lemonade, but it just had more of an indeterminate tartness to it.

Jones Soda is a quirky little company. For starters, they actually seem to like their customers, which is a concept so ludicrous these days that I can't help but think they're all a bit high. And any company making a regular seansonal beverage made to taste like turkey and gravy...well, they must have a sense of humor about themselves. So when it comes to these candies, I can't help but think that they're probably okay with however you see fit to use them. Eat them as candy? Sure, knock yourself out. Drop them in drinks to add a little flavor boost? Make it a double. Grab a slingshot and use them to torture your little brother? That's why we gave you fifty of 'em.

Article Author: David R Perry

Lost somewhere in the rolling hills of Tennessee, David R Perry can occasionally be found doing dark, unspeakable things to words. Printed words, spoken words, electronically mangled words... really any kind but twittered words.

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