There is a noticable dearth of candy reviews in this nation. We all love the stuff, and, in fact, it seems like the kids can't go five minutes without a fix. But nobody talks about it. Sugar has become a dirty word used primarily by hookers and abusive lumberjacks, if the soccer moms are to be believed. And so, we distance ourselves from the topic while making polite conversation with company. Mostly we discuss salads and lowfat yogurt, while marveling at the extra two miles per gallon Nancy now gets with her hybrid SUV. She has literally cut her fuel bill by four percent, and those are the kinds of savings you can feel.
But, candy deserves a little more attention, I believe. I'm hoping to start a trend, because at the moment, I couldn't be more excited about anything. That excitement will probably wear off as soon as my sugar-high begins to fade, so I'll use my rapidly tapping left foot as a barometer (and keep feeding the habit if it slows too much).
The entrance of a new candy on the market is a great excuse to tie a bib around your neck and feign some lofty and verbose critical thinking. Wine reviewers have set the bar hopelessly high in that department, by churning out descriptions that overshoot the topic until they have absolutely nothing to do with what they were originally reviewing (if you ever get a bottle of wine that can be described as "nutty", pour it out and reach for something else). I actively applaud that level of creativity and short attention span, but I will try to aim just below that mark. After all, candy is one of the few things that appeals to the everyman, so I need everyone to be onboard.
Jones Soda. They make sodas, you say? They also make candy, I now reply. Jones Soda Candy, to be precise. Jones Soda Carbonated Candy, to be amazingly specific. Yes, Jones, in partnership with Big Sky Brands, has tried to bring the experience of drinking a carbonated soda into convenient pill form. Now you can carry them with you in your pocket, whether for enjoyment on the go, or just to allow someone the chance to say "Are those Jones Soda Carbonated Candies in your pocket, or...before you grab them by the throat and whisper through gritted teeth, "I will beat you within an inch of your life if you can't think of anything original to say."