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Tank Johnson Fires Back At Probation Sentence

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Vasco da Gama says “They don’t call him Tank for nothing…”

Have you read Tank Johnson’s new book? So, You Wanna be a Private Military Contractor. Kidding aside, I’m a strong believer in it’s the collection of the “small” stuff that lends insights into the state of our society. In deeming his 120-day sentence (for violating his probation) as being “unnecessarily harsh,” Tank reveals how being unwilling to stand up and be accountable is reaching cultish status.

This from a guy who not only hangs around with alleged crime figures and was found to be in possession of six guns and two assault rifles, but was allowed to play in the Super Bowl despite being under house arrest and not being allowed to leave the state of Illinois.

Giovanni Caboto comments, “Chris Simon is mental….”

What else to describe it? I’m on record as saying that the NHL is not stringent enough when it comes to dirty play. Not “Pig Pen” dirty but Claude Lemieux dirty. What Chris Simon did was indeed assault, but spare me the legal action talk. Let sports govern itself. We don’t need all sorts of cumquats coming in prosecuting sports violence. You never want to mix the two. The NHL has to govern itself.

Despite this, the talk all week was about whether fighting has a place in the game. Of course it does. Gary Bettman said it was so it must be right. How about the NHL crack down on cross checking from behind and the psycho stick work before we discuss how fighting should be governed or outlawed. Right?

Jacques Cartier brags, “You stupide Americans and Canadiens. Roogby is beeger than all your little sports…”

I know. Hard to believe that a Frenchman who let some of his buddies die of scurvy can be right. Here are the facts: the Rugby World Cup is the third biggest spectacle in the world (with roughly 3.5 billion spectators in 205 countries) after the Olympics and the World Cup. Cricket is mighty big too. But I don’t care.

Sir Francis Drake sympathizes, “Hey, I’m always being called a pirate even though I give back to the community…”

Everyone deserves a second chance. Even John Rocker. Come on. Was he that wrong? I can barely handle chicks with tattoos. Anyway, Tim Hardaway has expressed regret for his remarks about gay people and is willing to make amends for this. Hey, it’s not like he bought Tank Johnson’s book (see above). All things considered, Hardaway can be saved. Who will be doing the saving I don’t know.

Now to do something about former NBA star Michael Ray Richardson’s classic, "I've got big-time lawyers, I've got big-time Jew lawyers." And Jew doctors, Jew accountants, Jew bankers, Jew… you get the picture.

Aug. 12, 1950
N.Y. Giants 20, Ottawa Rough Riders (CFL) 6
Aug. 11, 1951
N.Y. Giants 38, Ottawa Rough Riders (CFL) 6
Aug. 5, 1959
Chicago Cardinals 55, Toronto Argonauts (CFL) 26
Aug. 6, 1960
Pittsburgh Steelers 43, Toronto Argonauts (CFL) 16
Aug. 2, 1961
St. Louis Cardinals 36, Toronto Argonauts (CFL) 7
Aug. 5, 1961
Chicago Bears 34, Montreal Alouettes (CFL) 16
Aug. 8, 1961
Hamilton Tiger-Cats (CFL) 38, Buffalo Bills 21

De Balboa swears, “I once saw a CFL team beat an NFL team… I swear, or my name isn’t… Rocky de Balboa…”

I have to verify that historical fact. Rocky? In Portugal? Where was I? Who am I? Why am I here? Oh, between 1950 and 1961 the Canadian Football League and National Football League played seven exhibition games all played in Canada. A special rule book was designed since both leagues played with different rules. It didn’t matter: The NFL won six of the seven games. Small note: while Canadian football and the Grey Cup had been around for decades prior the CFL did not official form until 1954. It went through a similar evolution as the NFL with amalgamations of different leagues.

Columbus shouts, “Bunch of cry babies…”

So who complains more in Europe? F1 teams that lose to Ferrari, Arsenal genius manager Arsene Wenger or France’s head coach Raymond Domenech? Is it me? Or has it grown tiresome to hear coaches and teams complain like babies? F1 teams are especially annoying given the colorful accusations and wild conspiracy theories they throw around. They cry bloody foul every time they lose. Let me rephrase this. Each time they lose to Ferrari. F1 had to change the bloody rules to please the losers and Ferrari still finds a way to win. Hmm. Methinks grapes are sour in the cock pits of the teams. Here’s a thought: how about you build faster cars. Can it be that? Nah.

Magellan laments, “Man, I coulda used that guy on my crew…”

It’s now six gold medals and counting for American Michael Phelps at the World Aquatics Championships. So. Is he among the most dominant athletes? I definitely rank him ahead of Tiger Woods. Golf versus swimming. Hmm, tough one.

Lewis (but not Clark) reminds, “Remember Kids, those Canadians are up to no good…”

Canadians are MVP’s in three of the four major sports (assuming hockey is a major sport). Justin Morneau, Steve Nash and Joe Thornton. Just thought I’d mention this.

Mr. Peabody was seen slapping Sherman off the side of the head, “You paid how much to watch this? Haven’t I taught you anything? You’re as dumb as that moose sometimes.”

Rock, paper, scissors. Where would we be without it? How would we choose our captains in disorganized sports? Who would we know bats first? Who goes QB?” RPS was a brilliant invention in this manner. Did you know there’s an RPS World Championships? I kid not. I’m too serious to jest. Anyway, check it out. What’s your favorite throw? Yeesh.

RIP: Former MLB Commish Bowie Kuhn.

For the record:
Mike Modano surpassed Joey Mullen as the all-time leading goal scorer for American-born players. Mullen had 502 goals. For those of you wondering about Team USA sniper Brett Hull and his 741 goals: Hull was born in Canada. And who is the all-time leading American point getter? Phil Housely with 1232. Modano is next with 1223 including this season …Who the bleepin’ is John Tavares? Some 16 year-old kid who plays for the Oshawa Generals of the Ontario Hockey League recently broke Wayne Gretzky’s record for goals in a single season which stood at 70. The kid hit 71. That’s who. Of course, he has a long, long, LONG way before reaching 99’s 894 NHL goals … Vasco da Gama striker Romario expects to score his 1000th goal this weekend in a match against Botafogo in Brazil. When he does, he will become only the second player to ever do so … Ever hear of David Healy? Me neither. Hey, they don’t pay me for this. So what’s his story? In scoring both goals for Northern Ireland’s upset 2-1 victory over Sweden earlier this week, David Healy now leads all Euro 2008 scorers with 9 in six games. Tiny, little Northern Ireland now stands atop Group ahead of such notables as Sweden, Denmark, and Spain.

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About Alessandro Nicolo