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T3: Rise of the Machines

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Is that really the title? Or is it actually Terminator 3: blah blah blah? It’s strange when a franchise can dispense with it’s previous title, director, and female lead and still be this good. That’s right, it’s good.

Don’t believe the shit you read about this one. No, it ain’t deep, and no one’s gonna win an Oscar. But for once, I agree with Kelly Clarkson, and In the Bedroom this ain’t. So critics be damned, this was a great summer flick.

Why was it great? It had one of the best, and possibly the best, rock-’em-sock-’em car chases ever. Way better than the one in the Matrix, if only because the sheer destruction was greater. Ahnuld hanging off a hook on a crane truck, being slammed into cars repeatedly? And then he gets to put the hook in a manhole, leading to mayhem for the truck itself? Pure fucking genius.

Everyone always says, “But the robots were defeated in the second movie!” Indeed they were. But why was it necessary for a chip to be sent from the future for humankind to develop an evil A.I.? Obviously, it wasn’t, since at some point in the cycle of time that chip had to be developed without looking at the chip. The alternatives to that scenario might just make my head implode. It makes perfect sense that the actions taken in Terminator 2 would only delay the oncoming of SkyNet.

This wasn’t the first sequel that was enjoyable to be built on incredibly faulty ground. Remember Evil Dead 2? Great movie, but it’s entirely a rehash of the first installment with its tongue in its cheek. Or… well, I can’t think of any other decent yet unnecessary sequels right now, but I will by morning. Shit, look at the sequels they’re coming out with now. Bad Boys 2? The Onion said it best: “Isn’t there a statute of limitations on sequels? If not, there should be. C’mon, eight years?” I was absolutely flummoxed to see a trailer for The Whole Ten Yards before today’s movie. Did anyone else watch The Whole Nine Yards? I only watched it because I was bored at two in the morning and nothing else was on. Fuck, people, they are making sequels to Bruce Willis/Fucktard from Friends/Amanda Peet vehicles!

If that’s the world we live in, bring SkyNet on and nuke me now, please.

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About Matt Moore

  • cjones

    I LOVED T3 !!!