I’ve always struggled in finding fulfilling and harmonious relationships. I tend to want too much, too fast, too soon. This either pushes people away all together, or leads me to find people who exploit my dependency needs, sometimes abusively.
I know I need to correct this, and that I need to be less intense. I had decided not to date at all until a cop friend introduced me to her coworker. He is EVERYTHING I want in a boyfriend. Smart, funny, charming, great chemistry, sensitive, the whole nine yards. I am terrified of spoiling it by being pushy, demanding, or paranoid.
In casual conversation, he’s mentioned relationships failing because he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. Of course, I instantly got paranoid and assumed he’d also never want a relationship with me. This is not healthy or productive.
I was wondering if you could give some advice on how to best approach him and help this develop.
First, you should be congratulated for making an effort to look at your patterns in relationship. I think it’s heroic, especially when you’re only in your mid-twenties. You are rare! I feel the best I can do is encourage you to continue on this path, and try to support you with a bit of information.
I appreciate you may be motivated to tear into his chart – see what makes him tick, figure out how to “approach him”. But, can you see how this is manipulative?
You need to focus on yourself and here’s the astrology: you have Pluto (intensity, psychology, etc.) in the seventh house (relationships) square Venus in Cancer (dependent). People tend to project whatever is in their seventh house, and you are no exception. Read your post up there. You claim the “other” (seventh house) is manipulating you… little you, little baby girl with Venus in Cancer…
Can you see that? So this is the battle. Forget about how you’re going to work him. He will run his own life. He will do what he wants to do. And if you are smart (and you are), you will continue to delve into your own psychology. “Watch your side of the street” as recovering alcoholics say – and if you want motivation to continue on this challenging path, here it is:
If you don’t dig in there and do this work, you can expect nothing but uber-pain in relationships for the rest of your life. On the other hand, if you can unravel your complexes, you will become able to form powerful alliances with others – which I know is what you want. So there you go.