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Stern Captured

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Zero tolerance means no tolerance: a bad thing in engineering, a good thing in the minds of intolerant people who won’t tolerate intolerable behavior.

Zero tolerance could mean, for example, you might no longer be able to say on radio or television the words “Janet Jackson’s Greatest Hits” because it sounds exactly like “Janet Jackson’s greatest tits.”

And you will not pay $25,000 but you will pay $250,000 per infraction because that’s how serious this motherfucker Powell, not him, the othermotherfucker from the FCC, an acronym pronounced phuk, that’s how serious they are, these people, these fux, as they are sometimes known. Good people overall, watching out for me and mine and you and yorn.

Last night under cover of darkness Navy Seals captured shockjock pornpeddler Howard Stern, dragging him from his studio as he continued to broadcast on radio and tv. “Ow,” he repeated. “Ow! OW!” before his hair caught on the door and ripped off, revealing that Howard Stern is shockingly bald and even gawkier than you thought, vulture gawky.

Suddenly all America felt no pity for this too-tall one-joke schitzophonic never-was. Police were firm and he enjoyed it until they mocked with him with names, like Morton Downy, which drove him crazier. Rather sad.

We’re next, you know.

It’s over.

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