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State of the Union – What America really wants to hear

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I am sure that President Bush has a team of speech writers checking and double checking his State of the Union speech to be delivered this evening. It will be chockful of bi-partisan chit-chat, social security this, success in Iraq that, global freedom and democracy here, torturing terrorists there; but seriously, does anything the president has to say tonight affect me? Will there be even one nugget of palpable consequence uttered?

Don’t get me wrong, all that stuff is super important. Social security is a spiraling turd of cash getting flushed down the toilets of the past, present and future – and by golly, it needs to be fixed. The elections in Iraq went well, um, well if you don’t count blown up body parts – but hey, you gotta crack some eggs to make an omelett, right? My point here is, what can the President add that any coherent and cognizant American hasn’t already gleaned from CNN or NPR in the last 12 or so weeks since the election? NOTHING.

Why should I watch a regurgitation of what the President thinks, when so many pundits and bloggers have expressed it so much better, minus the synaptic misfirings and embarrassing gaffaws that are sure to plague the poor man.

Gossip – that would get my attention. Surely the CIA has some hidden cameras around the globe and we can catch a glimpse at what the people who pull the strings do when they don’t think anyone is watching:

Hamid Karzai reprimanding a member of his staff for his frequent indescretions with the local livestock.

And speaking of farm animals, Kim Jong Il giving the local swine population a “thorough” inspection, complete with “Squeal for me, I said squeeeeaaaal.”

Kofi Anan’s up to the minute checks on his “Oil For Money” Swiss Bank accounts.

Saddam Hussein being treated for crabs, for the fifth time.

Dammit, there are juicy global secrets out there and I want to hear them!!

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About Dawn Olsen

  • Eric Olsen

    uh oh, he’s talking now … just said someting about Rumsfeld, Cheney and shrivelled nutsacks

  • You’re not talking about “Big Dick” Cheney, are you?;)

  • Eric Olsen

    loose lips sink ships

  • HW Saxton

    It seems as though “Big Dick” Cheney has
    hitting the Enzyte again.

  • Eric Olsen

    who the hell is in the mosquito netting in the front row?

  • Sorry, you don’t have the security clearance for that information

  • Eric Olsen

    Nancy Pelosi is a botoxed, desiccated communist

  • RJ

    “Nancy Pelosi is a botoxed, desiccated communist”


  • RJ

    “It seems as though “Big Dick” Cheney has [sic] hitting the Enzyte again.”


  • If you didn’t watch it, Dawn, you missed seeing Babs Boxer turned completely around talking to the news cameraman behind her, possibly chewing him out for ruffling her hair. At that same moment, the forward camera panned across her section, catching her a**-to-the-lens posture.

  • Botoxed, yes. Dessicated, surely. But don’t sully Commies by putting Pelosi into their camp — that’s beyond the pale. 😉

  • Dr. Pat- are you saying that Boxer did her best Randy Moss?

  • Eric Olsen

    sorry Nat, no intention to besmirch the Workers of the World!

  • Except for the last five or ten minutes, it was same old same old

  • And all of it, including the last five or ten minutes, was absolute bullshit.

  • Do elaborate, Natalie. I’d love to hear your point by point accounting of the ‘bullshit’ in the state of the union address. Perhaps I can spur you to write more than a one-line insult with no substantive support whatsoever. No wait, that’s probably beyond your capacity.


  • It would appear that Miss Natalie so hates the president that she would deny even the beauty of the mother of the slain soldier bonding with the Iraqi woman. She seemingly can’t taste the sweetness of even that love past the flavor of her own exceptionally bitter bile.