This is in no way a weekly sports notes column about curling. Or a ripoff of The Ramble. Nope. It's neither.
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And in non-chick sports news: LaRussa naps at the intersection, while Joey Porter jabs in Sin City.
Also: Cyclers dope? No way; Gilbert Arenas is a big showoff, God love him; and who still doesn't love PTI?
Also: Jacobellis slides to another silver, Barbaro pines for the fjords, and no pitcher will ever retire again, apparently.
In this week's Rock Slide: Chase Utley is rich, Jeff Samardzija is hard to spell, and the NHL hates Rory.
Also: Tony Romo practices placing his balls to the ground - much like Sean Salisbury with his camera phone.
Also: The Diamondbacks look to acquire Randy Johnson in a cunning attempt to win the 2002 World Series.
Plus: Could a panic attack result? in a $500K raise? And the Red Sox throw around even more dough than that.
Also: Two Big Bens (Roethlisberger, Wallace) get clocked with nine sacks and a no-headband rule, respectively.
Also: Will anybody try to take Jimmie Johnson out? And how exactly does Houston beat Jacksonville twice?