Feature: Minstrels Of The Midway

Now is the Winter of our Cutler-sent
Made glorious Summer by this son of Santa (Claus, IN):
And all the clouds that lowr'd upon our Field
In the deep bosom of Lake Mich'gan buried.

Now are the helmets bound with Victorious Wreaths
His worn arm hung up as Monument
Our "Bear Down" sung'd to merry Meetings;
Our dreadful two-a-days to delightful Measures.

Grim-visaged Lovie hath smooth'd his wrinkled Forte
And now, in stead of mounting Orlando Pace
To fright the Souls of fearful NFC Northers
Jay capers nimbly to a Rush Street Ladies' Night
And the financial pleasing of Disney World loot.

Or yet another 6-10 soul-crusher of a season. My kingdom for a wide receiver!

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• Overachieving Football Franchise Seeking Single White Linebacker

  A search for a healthy linebacker for the Chicago Bears gets some unwelcome help.

  News by Tuffy — on Sep 29, 2009

• Brian Urlacher Out for Season: Or, Why Crichton's Next Book Will be About the Chicago Bears

  To add infection to injury, Brian Urlacher's likely out for the year as the Chicago Bears fight the injury bug.

  News by Tuffy — on Sep 14, 2009

• Bears at Packers: Or, It Take a Long Pull to Get There

  Why the Chicago Bears might be a two-step away from missing the playoffs already.

  News by Tuffy — on Sep 13, 2009

• Chicago Bears vs. Denver Broncos: Or, Why No One Pities Jennifer Aniston Anymore

  On mate poaching and how the Chicago Bears bagged their limit this offseason.

  News by Tuffy — on Aug 31, 2009