You've finally made it through the rubicon of the Longest Week Ever and can't wait to throw off all your burdens (and pants) and flop in front of the telly for 72 hours of glorious wallowing in the mudhole of sports. Good on ya, pardner!
Except you've got two problems. First, you've got approximately 17.2 million sporting events to navigate for the weekend and your remote hand is weak from too little vegetating and too much report filing. You need a plan in front of that sexy digital beast you call a television or else it'll devour you and you'll watch two entire infomercials on kitchen accessories while missing the Indy 500.
Next, your family has also been yearning for your freedom from work-based tyranny for weeks as well. However, their desires directly conflict with yours. You want a steady diet of beer and pretzels laid at your raised feet; they want you to spend the weekend repairing every minor nagging detail in the home, like that underground swimming pool you didn't quite install but slowly appeared in the basement. Look, kids; it's totally safe! Just swallow a chlorine pill before you dive in.
Blogcritics Sports is here to help you. We've plotted out both your escape from new work and your road map to sports paradise. So grab the following items and print off this article to ensure your extended weekend bliss:
- Portable television
- Umbrella
- Lawnmower (don't worry; you're not going to use it to cut grass)
- Various small tools
- Recorded home improvement shows (not the show Home Improvement; it all falls apart if you confuse these)
- Notepad and pencil
Saturday Afternoon
This is your prep time. You've got a relatively light plate (one MLB game, one WNBA game, NCAA softball regionals, and a slew of MLS games you probably can't see locally anyway).
Set up the lawnmower just outside the garage and pull a couple parts off it. Jam the umbrella into the handle of the mower. Position the portable TV so you can see it but the umbrella blocks it from view from the house.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
"Various small tools"
But Tuffy, how do I go about obtaining my own Bob Costas?
2 - Tuffy
Someone discards theirs every few years.