It really is a fun game to watch. You might even say, "beautiful," because others are calling it that, and you crave their acceptance.
And the exhibition soccer match between the United States and Mexico last night in Houston was damn exciting. It wasn't exactly beautiful, but it was competitive, even for a friendly. That's probably because the American and Mexican teams kinda don't like each other, heightened by the Mexicans' feelings toward US striker/urinater Landon Donovan.
But after all the competition, who was better on this night? Who the hell knows — it ended in a 2-2 tie.
The scoring was keyed by the first two goals being caromed off crossbars — making me think that was a prerequisite for it to count. American prodigy Jozy Altidore headed in his first international goal in his first start and third appearance. The 18-year-old is so raw to the global scene that some photographers are still having trouble spelling his name. Further still, the Houston Chronicle decided to spell his last name "Altodore." And yet, they got the Mexican names spot on.
Meanwhile, defender Jonny "Selsun Blue" Magallón (pictured) scored both goals for Mexico, and the team might've had two or three more if it weren't for some acrobatic saves by USA goalie Tim Howard. But those goals would have come probably at the hands of players with stronger shampoo.
But beyond the four goals — more than I expected to see, and one was controversially waved off — the passing facet of the game caught my eye. Good passing and ball movement can actually be fun to watch, much like basketball's Princeton-style offense. It's like kooky pinball, only the bumpers want to take opposing bumpers' legs out from underneath them by any means necessary.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Dr Dreadful
The best team doesn't always win. I don't think anyone except a New Yorker would argue that the Giants were the best team in the NFL this season, for example. They just managed to win when it really counted - which is part of the game.
The prevalence of the tie - or 'draw' to give it its proper term - can probably be traced back to soccer's origins in English public schools. A draw was considered an honorable and entirely acceptable conclusion to a tightly-contested game; a gentlemanly result. The same is true - only even more so - with cricket, another English invention which, in some of its many formats, renders it almost impossible for a match not to end in a draw.
2 - Christopher Rose
Goodness me, Suss is starting to understand football! Will wonders never cease?
A couple of points for you, Suss:-
Why is this article tagged as News when it comes across more as Opinion? (I expected it to be Satire knowing your history with the game!)
Secondly, just like in a fight between great friends or rivals, sometimes two sides can both come out even. Last night you learned that the US football team has improved enough to draw at home to Mexico, but not enough to beat them...
3 - Matthew T. Sussman
I learned last night the US hasn't lost at home to Mexico in their last 10 games (this is the second tie) so this rivalry's pretty neat.
And in the sports section we're a little more lenient about the whole news vs. opinion thing because, well, they're sports.
Maybe I'd like the tie more if they didn't happen so freaking often. Seriously? Every fourth game, everyone leaves happy? Maybe if they could get, say, more minutes to break the deadlock.
4 - Christopher Rose
Suss, I'd think even an American sports fan could tell the difference between News and Opinion, but that's only my News, lol.
I wouldn't say draws necessarily leave everyone happy; in reigning champions Manchester United's last game, their opponents Spurs were winning 1-0 with only seconds to go, which was pissing me off but delighting my mate Rick, who hasn't seen his team beat mine for years.
Fortunately, United got an equalizer right at the end and suddenly the tables were turned, I was delighted not to be losing and Rick was gutted not to have seen his team win and give him bragging rights.
With three points for a victory and one for a draw, it also meant that both teams got something from the game, although not as much as either one of us wanted. These things are important when points win titles and the lack of them can mean your team gets relegated, which doesn't happen in American Rugby...
5 - Dr Dreadful
For those like Matt who think soccer has too many draws and/or is too low-scoring, it's nothing compared to the baffling and apparently pointless Eton Wall Game.
Played only at Eton College, a prestigious public school (meaning private!) near London, it is beyond dispute the world's most spectator-unfriendly sport, comprising, to the uneducated eye, two teams of stubborn teenage boys attempting - with no success whatsoever - to move a ball along a wall.
No-one has scored a goal in the Wall Game for 99 years.
6 - STM
I played in a rugby game years ago that ended in a 0-0 draw. A rarity indeed. So rare, in fact, that it was the subject of much comment. It was the most frustrating experience at the time. After getting smashed around for 80 minutes, all 30 of us walked off the field with nothing to show for all that effort. A draw always seems to me to be an anti-climax and a downer, rather than as Doc says a "fitting result" in some circumstances. I'd rather lose a close game and go down fighting if that's how it has to be. Too many draws result from a negative style of play.
As for a draw in cricket, in the conditions you mention Doc: while most teams chasing a good total that seems out of reach are just happy not to lose, I can't say that a team that takes its foot off the gas and sets up the conditions for a draw in Test cricket would be all THAT excited.
However, no player should aspire to a draw. You're either out there to win, or you aren't out there. OK, we know it's about playing the game, too. But part of the game is having a winner, and if you don't have a culture of winning as well, what's the point?
One of the reasons I don't like soccer that much is that there are too many draws.
Go back and check through the record books at how many big game deciders have been decided on penalty shoot outs after extra time.
Not good.
7 - Christopher Rose
A draw in Rugby is rare because of the way points are scored, I'd have thought.
There aren't actually that many Cup finals decided on penalties, mostly because it is a fairly new invention. I tend to prefer having a replay myself, although there is a certain dramatic tension to a shootout and it would obviously be pretty impossible to have replays in massive international games such as the World Cup final.
Do me a favour and don't use the S word, Stan, it only encourages the Seppos!
8 - Matthew T. Sussman
Chris, everyone would use the S word.
9 - Christopher Rose
That video was a classic double S, Matt, once for Shevchenko and once for sarcasm...
10 - STM
Draws in rugby aren't that rare Rosey, especially in a tight game. Not unusual, say, to see 10-all or 14-all scoreline.
But a scoreless result really is unusual. My son also played in one where both teams were playing good attacking footy but couldn't make the last pass stick, and because of the defence they were forced into errors in the opposition 22. It was unbelievably frustrating to watch.
No one had their kicking boots on either, so each side missed a couple of penalty shots.
We are having much debate about the S word here at the moment Rosey.
The soccer nuts have started calling it football, but since Australian Rules (they should have called it no fuc.ing rules) is known as football in the heathen southern and western states, and the two codes of rugby have always been called football in the civilised eastern states of Queensland and NSW :), it's all very confusing to call soccer football.
And since it's the number 4 winter sports code here (well, actually, it's now played in summer at the top level because it can't compete with the others in terms of TV air time, crowds and sponsorships), most people have decided it should still be called soccer.
It's very confusing having four football codes all called football.
11 - Dr Dreadful
Just to confuse the uninitiated* further, Stan, I'd better point out to 'em that in cricket there are actually ties and draws.
A tie is a match in which both sides finished with the exact same score. Because of cricket's complex scoring system they're very rare, even more so than in rugby.
A draw is basically an unfinished game. The two teams can have vastly dissimilar scores, but the losing side can avoid defeat if they can slow down play so as not to complete their innings in the time allotted. Even though cricket matches can last for several days, this outcome is more common than you might think.
This has been a public service announcement.
* Seppos.
12 - Christopher Rose
Stan, it's easy; Football is the game that is played primarily with the feet and that's the round ball game. All the various versions of the oval ball game are primarily played with the hands. Maybe they should be called Handball? Aussie Handball, American Handball, also called gridiron by some, Union Hands, League Hands...
13 - Matthew T. Sussman
"Football is the game that is played primarily with the feet and that's the round ball game. All the various versions of the oval ball game are primarily played with the hands."
Americans play football with their hands! Wow, that's poignant and fresh commentary! And what's the deal with airline food?
14 - STM
Those other games have all been known as football for as long as soccer's been known as football.
The clue here is in the names of the sporting organisations.
The Rugby Football Union, the Rugby Football League, the Australian Football League, etc. All three of those go back to the time of the establishment of Association Football (soccer!) but don't play the round-ball code.
Sorry old mate .. you don't just get first dibs on the name simply because none of you are allowed to touch the bloody bag of wind with your hands.
That's the trouble with the game. Too many handbags and earrings, played by a pack of sheilas and nancy boys, and too one dimensional :)
And no, I'm not talking about American Football.
15 - Dr Dreadful
The reason we're entitled to call our great game 'football' is because it's played in every country on Earth, and in all of them which are civilized ;-) it is universally called football*. The other codes are the ones which need to add something to avoid ambiguity.
I can pardon the use of the term when referring to rugby or Aussie rules, because the feet are actually used to propel the ball during open play. But to refer to the American version as 'football', when the ball is never kicked except by a specialist who comes onto the field only to take place kicks and has no other role in the team, is a little ridiculous. Handball would indeed be a better word. ;-)
There are several other games called handball as well, one of which - the Olympic version - is basically indoor soccer played with the hands instead of the feet. Gridiron would fit right in!
* Except in Italy, where it's known as calcio after an ancient and unnecessarily violent version of the game which has been played since the 16th century in Florence.
16 - STM
Doc: "Handball would indeed be a better word".
Nah. What about "nancy-boy ball"??
I know, how about "helmetball".
Or, "Totally padded up in case I get belted and it hurts and then I have to go off and sit down ball".
... STM's How to win friends and influence people #101 (for Americans).
*Pom versions with lucid descriptions of soccer and questions regarding players' parentage and sexuality to come later.
17 - STM
Yeah, nice one Doc.
You've done a Ruvy.
Does anyone have a magnifying glass?
18 - Dr Dreadful
Whoops... sorry mate.
Should be OK now. Unlike Ruvy, I now have access to the comments tool, so can go back and fix bollocks-ups!
19 - Matthew T. Sussman
Yeah, NFL players suffer force impact equivalent to a car accident. What a bunch of pussies!
20 - STM
Lol. So do Rugby League players (yes, Virginia, it IS different to rugby), but they don't wear nancy-boy pads and faux motor cycle helmets. AND most of 'em play for the full 80 minutes.
None of this nancy-boy one team for defence and another for attack.
Yanks. Fair dinkum. What a bunch of soft...k braggarts, and with not much to brag about when it comes to proper contact sports where the contact isn't between two helmets or two sets of pads but two actual bodies :)
21 - Matthew T. Sussman
Just ... just watch. If you don't want to, I'll paraphrase: NFL hits have twice the force, and rugby hits are more concentrated.
I don't see how NFL players are bragging, considering you're the one bragging that ruggers are tougher.
22 - STM
Suss ... you don't read mate. I'm not talking about rugby union. RUGBY LEAGUE is a totally different game, played with 13 players and with quite similar strategies to AF. There is no constant contest for the ball like there is in rugby. It is played off a play-the-ball (or down in your parlance) with six tackles only available to move the ball up the field and score.
So you can watch this. I'm not seeing anything different in AF than I see in RL, except for the padding. It's some kid's post to You Tube, but it's illustrative.
PS, just in case you hadn't worked it out, Suss, the whole thing's just a bit of mocking Aussie humour, and a total gee-up. I don't for one moment believe AF players are nancy boys.
Honest ...
23 - Matthew T. Sussman
Are the hits comparable to rugby union?
24 - STM
And mate, the rugby players used in that sports science take were Americans, and therefore not playing at the professional level like Sonny Bill and his mates in the vid above.
Even in Australia, where (15-man) rugby union is played in the top tier of the world, the impact of the hits compared to the other rival (13-man) code of Rugby League just doesn't compare.
The NRL in Australia is, without doubt, the toughest sports competition in the world.
And then there's an interstate series that's even harder. But that's another story.
On a serious note, I am well aware of the nature of the impact in AF and the athleticism required. I also realise it's a very tough outing for most of the players.
However, it simply goes to number two on my list of contact sports because of the helmets and padding and the fact no player plays the full game.
25 - Matthew T. Sussman
I hear ya. Sometimes it gets a little tiresome to hear from multiple people either "they use their hands in American football" and "they use pads." Likewise the "soccer's dull" is a pretty lame riposte on our front, because, well, it's not. It's just low scoring.