UCLA Beats Terrible Mountain West Team, Eyes National Title

Part of: Bru Velvet

UCLA played San Diego State in American football on Saturday, and I managed to watch the entire game without picking up a magazine. This represents progress. In recent seasons, as the program has slowly decrepitated, I’d usually been able to endure only a quarter or two of “action” before one too many underthrown passes or missed blocking assignments had me glancing sidelong at the accumulated reading material on my coffee table. On weekends, The Economist usually sits atop the pile because it arrives on Fridays; accordingly, I’m often catching up on European parliamentary elections at the same time as I’m watching a Bruin running back trip over the feet of his own linemen.

(As you can tell, my weekends are glamorous and exhilarating! Leave your phone numbers in the comments, ladies.)

Yesterday, however, was different. Our new quarterback, Kevin Prince, seemed weirdly capable of throwing a spiral far downfield. After taking handoffs, our running backs weren’t instantly submerged under opposing defenders. Our receivers were – what’s that word again? – “o-pen.” Am I spelling that right?

Yes, the Bruins went about the art and science of football yesterday with verve, if not overwhelming skill. No UCLA fan can deny that there’s been improvement, certainly not any who suffered through the 4-8 excrescence of last year. Still, the opponent was SDSU, a cheap forgery of a program that exists to provide other Mountain West teams with a fun road trip and an assured victory. I’m not planning my holidays around the Poinsettia Bowl just yet.

Because I don’t want to lie when I tell prospective employers that I’m “detail oriented,” let’s review the most salient lessons of Saturday’s game. (*rolls up shirt sleeves, turns off lights, grabs pointing stick, turns on old-timey overhead projector*)

1.  Kevin Craft will never again be the starting quarterback at UCLA. The young Mr. Craft is probably a great kid, and last year he was the object of about 400 bonecrunching sacks any one of which would have killed me very VERY dead, but he’s not a Division I-A quarterback. The first pass thrown by Kevin Prince yesterday, a 21-yard out to Terrence Austin, was better than anything Craft tossed up last year. For that matter, so was the first pass by true freshman reserve Richard Brehaut, a picturesque 30-yard fade to Nelson Rosario. That UCLA now has two QBs capable of throwing like grown-ups means Craft’s future lies in holding for extra points.

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Article Author: Dexter Fishmore

Dexter Fishmore is a writer living in Hollywood, California. He thinks "Night on Disco Mountain" is the best song title ever. You can follow him around like a puppy dog at twitter.com/dexterfishmore.

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  • 1 - Matthew T. Sussman

    Sep 08, 2009 at 9:07 am

    Your optimism is commendable, but it has nothin' on mine. My school beat up on a Sun Belt team, and you have no idea how high my expectations are. That's right: Motor City Bowl.

  • 2 - Dexter Fishmore

    Sep 10, 2009 at 2:16 am

    If I were Rick Neuheisel, the Motor City Bowl might be the one bowl I'd actually consider turning down. It's lowlier even than the one that's played in Canada on, like, January 5th.

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