A partial transcript of this week's Freeball-style Treehouse Fort:
Tuffy: Roger Federer took his first French Open title Sunday in three sets, cementing his legacy by winning all four Grand Slams in dominating fashion. His usual nemesis on clay, Rafael Nadal, fell early and now believes a knee injury could keep him out of Wimbledon. Federer and his new coach, Jeff Gillooly, expressed regret that Nadal may not play in England this year.
Suss: The Atlanta Braves had a busy day Wednesday, acquiring All-Star outfielder Nate McLouth from the Pirates in exchange for three prospects. The Braves also added strength to their front line, signing free agent ticket taker Tom Glavine.
Tuffy: The NBA Finals started Thursday with a dominating win for the Los Angeles Lakers over the Orlando Magic at the Staples Center. We're excited here at the Treehouse Fort that we'll be able to bring you the results of that contest on your 3-D television that will be widely available by the time Game 2 finally kicks off.
Suss: On the news of General Motors filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, Rick Hendrick of NASCAR's Hendrick Motorsports said that he only wants to race Chevrolet cars, saying that Chevy is his "Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C." Should those plans fail, NASCAR will not hesitate in enforcing Preparation H.
Tuffy: The Detroit Red Wings took a 3-2 series advantage in the NHL Finals when Pavel Datsyuk recovered from injury in time to record two assists in a 5-0 drubbing of Pittsburgh Saturday. Curiously, Datsyuk drew inspiration not from Detroit but from Japan when he convinced the equipment manager he could come back much stronger if the name on his jersey was changed to "Nissanuk".
Suss: And finally, rock legend Elton John received autographed photos of Minnesota Twins' Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau in exchange of autographed photos of himself, further telling Mauer that he is today's best catcher. Oddly enough, Elton John said the same thing to Bernie Taupin in 1975.
Charlie Doherty's "What Were They Thinking?"
• Keith Hernandez, praising Roberto Clemente by saying he “could fly”
• Carlos Beltran, saying he’s “embarrassed” to lose to the Pirates
• ESPN, for briefly hiring/un-hiring Jim Bowden for NCAA baseball tourney
• LeBron James, saying it doesn’t make sense to congratulate Orlando after losing to them
• The anonymous creator of a tasteless fake Tony LaRussa Twitter page
• Marvin Lewis/Bengals, for invitation of 2,500 Cincinnati honor roll students to meet the team, which mistakenly reached 20,000 kids