A partial transcript of this week's Treehouse Fort, featuring baseball analyst Alex Remington.
Suss: Rafael Nadal was upset in the fourth round of the French Open by Robin Soderling in four sets. The four-time defending Roland-Garros champion had never lost in the French prior to today. His French record now stands at 31-1, which ties Julius Caesar for the all-time best win percentage in France.
Tuffy: The Los Angeles Lakers and Orlando Magic will meet in the NBA Finals, pitting Disney's two kingdoms against each other for the first time. The upcoming civil war is expected to tear the happiest places asunder in a manner not seen since The Emperor's New Clothes.
Suss: After a tumultuous start to the season, Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s crew chief Tony Eury, Jr. has been fired. Eury should have no trouble finding a new job, as many Shriners Parades are interested in making him a full-time grand marshal.
Tuffy: Serena Williams claimed that her opponent in the French Open on Saturday cheated by failing to point out that a ball hit her instead of her racket on a point against Serena. Her opponent correctly pointed out that she was crossing her fingers on her racket, allowing her to use the "Liar Liar Ridiculously Short Skirt on Fire" defense.
Suss: The Red Wings won Game 1 of the Stanley Cup playoffs, beating the Penguins 3-1. The early Conn Smythe favorite looks to be Pittsburgh goalie Marc-Andre Fleury's body parts. (Observation copyright 2009 Puck Daddy LLC, all rights reserved.)
Tuffy: Finally, if anyone has seen LeBron James, please contact your local sportswriter. The lack of usable sound bites from King James threatens to ruin newspapers more than Sam Zell.
Charlie Doherty's "What Were They Thinking?"
• Mo Williams, guaranteeing his Cavaliers would beat the Magic in the Eastern Conference Finals
• Dennis Eckersley, saying “shit” on air and "masturbate" instead of "(Justin) Masterson" during Red Sox/Mets game On May 22
• Milton Bradley, saying umps are out to ruin him
• Jayson Williams, arrested after fight/assault
• Dolphins DE Randy Starks, hitting policeman with truck, filling it with 13 people (meant for only four!)
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