A partial transcript of this week's BC Sports Treehouse Fort:
Tuffy: An event of relatively minor proportions took outsized importance in the August lull. Various news outlets ran with the story to fill space. Tuffy of the Treehouse Fort compared the event to a 17th century composer, an episode of My Mother the Car, and the Acropolis. Matt Sussman of the Treehouse Fort told Tuffy to take the rest of the cold open off.
Suss: Tuffy, why don't you take the rest of the cold open off?
Tuffy: Okay, sure.
Suss: Stock market magnates Mortimer and Randolph Duke made a bet this week to see if success and crime were the results of social behavior. After the bet was set in place, Michael Vick was signed by the Eagles and the Phillies demoted Jamie Moyer to the bullpen. Just to be safe, Elton Brand checked his coat pocket for any marked bills.
Suss: LA Galaxy forward Landon Donovan says during Team USA's 2-1 loss in Mexico, he was playing with swine flu. Mexican health officials have ordered the incineration of any and all bushes and shrubberies within a 50-mile radius of Azteca Stadium.
Suss: The Chicago Cubs beat the Pittsburgh Pirates 17-2 on Friday. When John Macchione heard about the win, he said, "okay, sure, they're allowed to pour it on the other team."
Suss: And finally, a fifth-grade science project revealed that the bald heads of Kevin Youkilis and Don Zimmer roll equally as far on the ground when confronted by smaller individuals.
Charlie Doherty's "What Were They Thinking?"
Terron D. Ingram riding bike with a captured gator around his neck
Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino having an extramarital affair with woman at a restaurant he hardly knew
Ex-Michigan football player Justin Feagin getting caught in multiple drug deals
Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo telling USA Today he currently takes non-MLB-approved supplements
Cubs fan Johnny Macchione throwing beer at Shane Victorino from the Wrifgly Field stands during play
Home plate umpire Ed Rapuano ejecting Shane Victorino for gesture in center field