A partial transcript of this week's Treehouse Fort:
Suss: In the Australian Open, Roger Federer beat Andy Murray in three sets for his 16th career Grand Slam. Murray's loss extends the British drought of Grand Slam events without a championship since 1936, a curse that notably began when the Brits traded Babe Ruth to the Yankees in exchange for rookie prospect Neville Chamberlain.
Suss: Baseball card company Upper Deck settled with Konami Entertainment for $2 million after it printed and sold over 600,000 unauthorized Yu-Gi-Oh! trading cards. In other news, Konami said it would halt production of posters of Upper Deck CEO Richard McWilliam drinking out of a coffee mug that visibly said "Fuck Face."
Suss: John Daly denied earlier reports that he was retiring from golf. Daly says it wouldn't be the same if he stopped playing golf altogether rather than play one and a half rounds and THEN withdrawing.
Charlie Doherty's "What Were They Thinking?"
Greg Oden, for being the latest athlete to take pictures of his junk
Southeast Missouri state football player Brett Jones, for burglary/assault of a man asleep on his couch
Chris Terry, for quadruple charges of dealing coke, driving without a permit, resisting arrest, and a DUI
Bengals linebacker Rey Maualuga, for drinking and driving (after six Captain and Cokes), and hitting two parked cars and a parking meter)
Nike, for their Kobe-LeBron "chamber" ad
Ex-Cardinals cornerback Eric Green, for allegedly sodomizing a transgendered New Yorker