A partial transcript of this week's Treehouse Fort, featuring Valli Hilaire and Andy Hutchins:
Tuffy: The Los Angeles Lakers took a nigh-invulnerable three games-to-one lead in the NBA Finals on Thursday with a 99-91 overtime win over the Orlando Magic. The team is standing tall and preparing for Game 5 with a focus on winning one game at a time, but locals are struggling with the two-game deficit. One report claims Mickey Mouse was found rocking back-and-forth on the Dumbo ride, muttering, "There is no Tomorrowland... there is no Tomorrowland..."
Suss: The Pittsburgh Penguins won Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals 2-1 against the Detroit Red Wings. After the game, Marian Hossa, whose team had now lost two straight Stanley Cups, decided to sign with another team that would give him the best chance of reaching the Cup next year, the Versus network.
Tuffy: Philadelphia Phillie Raul Ibanez took issue with a blogger that suggested he should be under scrutiny for the use of performance-enhancing drugs due to his powerful start to the season. In other news, Rick Telander has apparently been blogging again.
Suss: According to the Boston Herald, Yankees pitcher A.J. Burnett was thrown out of a Boston-area Barnes and Noble after talking loudly on his cell phone and swearing in front of children. Sources say that it was the longest outing Burnett had seen in a while.
Tuffy: Tim Floyd quit as the coach of the USC Trojans basketball team after additional allegations came out about bribing players' handlers and family. Now out of a job and looking for cash to prime the next school's pump, Floyd will try to sell Internet-enabled encyclopedias to Jerry Krause.
Suss: And finally, the Houston Texans turned down a formal sponsorship offer from Zero Tolerance, a Los Angeles-based adult video manufacturer, to put their logo on their practice jerseys. The move didn't settle well with the Texans, given that the actual games are when they start blowing.
Charlie Doherty's "What Were They Thinking?"
Milton Bradley, throwing ball to the fans with two outs
Tony Parker’s ex-security guard, for stealing then underselling his belongings on Craigslist
Idiot fan who ran onto court during Federer’s French Open win
Jonathan Weaver, who tied his kids up in a garage to watch NBA playoff game at a pub
Iowan umpire, who threw an entire crowd of 100 out of a HS baseball game
Nate Driggers, selling counterfeit Nike shoes in a mall, also had 10 pounds of marijuana behind his counter