Rather than just recount the foul goings on among the worst football programs in the nation, I’m going to find something positive to say about each team in this week’s poll.
Here’s the Rocky 5 for Week 6. Utah State is out, but they’ll be back, and Indiana is still the “Plus One” team despite their 2-point win over fellow Big 10 and fellow Rocky 5er embarrassment Illinois.
1) Temple Bowels
2) Duke Doormats
3) Illinois Non-Fighting Illini
4) Buffalo Blows
5) Eastern Michigan Fecals
And the “Plus One” team is still the Indiana Loosiers.
Last week the tainted Temple Bowels lost to the former Rocky 5er Kent State Golden Flashes, 28-17. The Bowels actually had the lead early in the game, but only could muster 194 yards of total offense and allowed their quarterback to be sacked 6 times, and lost as they always do. As I write this on Thursday night, the Bowels are losing 49-3 to Clemson at the half. UPDATE: The Bowels wound up losing 63-9, their 19th straight loss.
On a positive note, football legend Glenn “Pop” Warner coached at Temple from 1933-1938 and had a 31-18-9 record, and in the mid-1980s Temple’s John Rienstra (OL-1985) and Paul Palmer (RB-1986) were Consensus All-Americans.
The Doormats from Durham scared the heck out of everybody in the state of Alabama last week when they led the Crimson Tide at the half by the score of 16-14. However, the Tide woke up and saved Coach Shula’s job by scoring 20 unanswered points to beat Duke by the score of 30-16.
On a positive note, Duke has had 4 Consensus All-Americans since 1933, the most recent being wide receiver Clarkston Hines in 1989. Also, the Blow Devils won 5 Southern Conference championships and won at least 7 games per season from 1933-1941.
Last week the Non-Fighting Illini of Illinois lost a 34-32 barn-burner to fellow Rocky 5er Indiana Loosiers. Illinois was up 25-7 in the second quarter, but since they are really awful they couldn’t hold the lead and of course wound up losing. Indiana kicked a last second field goal to put everyone out of their misery.
For their troubles — and for making people spend time watching and covering this game — both teams remain in the Rocky 5.
On a positive note, Illinois has had 18 Consensus All-Americans since 1914. Among this list of august Illini alumni are football legends Red Grange (1923-25) and Dick Butkus (1963-64). Among the non-Consensus All-Americans at Illinois are Hugh Hefner and Roger Ebert. The Illini actually won something called the Micron PC Bowl in 1999 by beating Virginia, 63-21.
Article comments
1 - DJRadiohead
If I had been Alabama AD Mal Moore, I would have fired Shula at halftime. There are no words to describe just how unacceptable that performance was/is. That is horrible.
2 - sal m
but they won...and using the "joe torre defense" you can't fire a coach if his team loses, so how can you fire a coach at halftime just because they are behind to an inferior team?
3 - DJRadiohead
When Mike Shula puts four crystal footballs in the trophy case in the span of four years, he, too can have some insurance. A different manager in New York won't make Randy Johnson stop pitching like a 60-year old and won't give A-Rod any gravitas. Replace Torre if you like but he is not the sole or even the main reason the Yankees are failing. A different coach might well make a difference at Alabama as there is more talent here than people think.
All of that said... people have been on Shula for awhile. I was a staunch supporter of his until the Arkansas game. This Duke game was, in some ways, worse than that.
4 - Mark Saleski
maybe randy johnson needs some vibration therapy.
5 - DJRadiohead
Saleski, you so crazy!
6 - Matthew T. Sussman
Eastern Michigan finally makes it ... atta boy.
7 - sal m
at least somebody is paying attention...atta boy, mark! and let's throw in hyperbaric therapy while we're at it....
8 - Matthew T. Sussman
Aaaand Indiana is off the list.
By the way, in true Stallone homage, shouldn't the 6th spot be listed as the "Cliffhanger?"
9 - sal m
indiana in a shocker...emu almost pulled one out, and we'll have to wait to find out if buffalo will beat miami of oxford ohio since the game was postponed on account of 2 feet of snow.
great suggestion...thanks for coming up with it 6 weeks later....but we'll go with it anyway, especially since cliffhanger has a better ring to it than "stop or my mom will shoot" or "rhinestone" or "cobra" or "over the top" or "judge dredd" or "the professionals" or "lock up" or "assassins" or "get carter"....