The media tries to make the Angels out to be some sort of Los Angeles professional sports franchise. This couldn't be further from the truth. I've lived in The City of Lost Angels (Get it? ‘Cause they're gonna lose!) for two years and have yet to meet a single Angels fan who wasn't directly related to John Lackey. Then again, I've never met anybody named Chone either. I've also never had an ostrich burger.
Irregardless! On Thursday night, the Boston Red Sox and Anaheim Angels kick off their third straight postseason series. The Angels are 0-4 in October series against the Sox. Is the fifth time the charm?
No.
Now I realize everybody's saying the Angels are stronger now, their pitching's finally caught up with their hitting and this is the finally the year they barrel through us in order to be demolished by the Yankees in the ALCS. But I just don't see it. There's only one possible way Anaheim could beat us in 2009, and that's if they throw the only pitcher who can beat us every time at us twice. That gentleman? Scott Kazmir. When's he pitching? Game Three. Hasta luego, Angels! (“Hasta luego means, “We're gonna beat you in four games, jerks!”)
The Matchups
C – Victor Martinez vs. Mike Napoli: Victah! V-Mart has been the greatest addition to the Red Sox family since we signed Carlos Baerga. But for some reason, Mike Napoli always hits 30 home runs against us in every game. Edge? Angels.
1B – Kevin Youkilis vs. Kendry Morales: Youk! Kendry Morales has had a breakout year for the Angels, cranking 34 dingers and 108 ribbies, but Youk is still the better player on both sides of the ball. He may have to spend some time at third, covering for a banged-up Lowell, but Youk'll spend a majority of his time as the first sacker. Morales has been the Mark Teixeira for the Angels this season, which means the Yankees will be offering him a contract in two weeks. Edge? Sox.
2B – Dusty Pedroia vs. Howie Kendrick: Dusty! The 2008 MVP has dipped a little in the stats department here in 2009, but he's still one of our most dependable men at the plate as well as in the field. Howie Kendrick has a stupid name, so screw him. Actually no, he's pretty darn good as well. But Dusty is arguably the best second bagger in the game. Edge? Sox.
3B – Mike Lowell vs. Chone Figgins: Mikey! Mike Lowell has been dealing with various injuries all season, but the 2007 World Series MVP can still produce when it matters. Unfortunately, Chone Figgy has been producing a lot more as of late. Still, stupid name. Edge? Angels.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
Sorry, there's no way Dustin Pedroia is the third biggest Russian doll.
You spent all that time on this nice little article and I'm HARPING ON THE AMAZON PRODUCT. That's just how confident I am that the Tigers win the AL.
2 - ebooker
@Suss: Even if they combined forces on Tuesday and become the Minnetroita Twigers, they'd still get swept.
INFERIOR DIVISION!
3 - Grampie Bob
Son, son, son what the hell are you talking about. Mark Tuxedo is so juiced everything he does is voided; Cano is a flash in the pan; Jeter, ok, I'll give you Jeter; Gay-Rod is, as we all know, "Mr. April"; Johnny Damon is no Joe Dimaggio; the center fielder (whose name escapes me) is no Mickey Mantle and the right fielder (whose other name escapes me also) is no Roger Maris and, of course, Posada is no Yogi Berra. This isn't even the best Yankee team. Don't let me catch you calling any New York team the best anything again! Or else!
4 - ebooker
@GB: RE: GREATEST TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF SPORT.
See: (jinxjinxjinx)
5 - zingzing
should the twins win today, they'll have won 17 of 21 games. that's the definition of hot. the yankees, on the other hand, kinda shrugged into the playoffs. and the yankees suck in the playoffs. constant disappointments. well, not for me, because i hate them, as any person not born in ny should.
@ all the @s: this isn't twitter, so stop it. feh.
6 - ebooker
@ZZ: Th@nks for the Y@nkees h@te! We Sox f@ns gre@tly @ppreci@te it!
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