The Mental Defective’s Guide to Fantasy Football - Page 2

Not to go all "Sex and the City" on you:  But can you possibly win your fantasy football draft without LaDainian Tomlinson (or the other three top running backs) in this day and age ...? Well, anything’s “possible” - but if I told you “no” you might go shove your head in the proverbial oven, so let’s give you some faint glimmer of hope, shall we?

If you get a late first round (and early second round) draft pick, there is still plenty of potential out there in “fantasy land.” And (with the exception of Peyton Manning) in the last few years, 9 times out of 10, it’s the running backs that win most fantasy football leagues, Pappy.

Joseph Addai (the Colts) or Lawrence Maroney (the Patriots)? Maurice Jones-Drew (the Jaguars) or Willis McGahee (the Ravens)?  Throw in a little “Cajun spice” with Reggie Bush and you can stir up a cauldron of possibilities among these up-and-coming top-tier running backs.

But talk is cheap (and, apparently, so are the Oakland Raiders) so here are some “fun facts” to chew on before your fateful fantasy football draft--

Most likely to screw up Larry Johnson: Herman Edwards “plays to win the game” …but seldom does. Here’s hoping that the head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs (and Brodie Croyle) doesn’t mess up the chemistry of one of the best running backs in fantasy football. Regardless, I’d still be drafting Larry Johnson with the second overall pick in the draft …then say your prayers.

Best second-year running back whose name is not Reggie Bush: I’ve got to admit, I’m a Maurice Jones-Drew kind of guy. Like Steve Martin’s “Ruprecht” from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Jones-Drew “loves to run, and run, AND RUN!” But you can’t help but salivate like Homer Simpson over Lawrence Maroney all alone in the backfield of the New England Patriots, either. So, unless Bill Belichick (the hobo in the Hefty bag), goes with another goal-line back to steal Maroney’s touchdowns, this pick is as good as “Ari Gold.”

Running back I’d like to draft if the Indianapolis Colts didn’t have so many great offensive weapons (but I probably will anyway): Joseph Addai.

The person most likely “holding the clipboard” halfway through the season if you draft Brady Quinn as your fantasy football quarterback: You.

The quarterback I’m most intrigued with this year if it weren’t for that damn “Madden curse”:  Vince Young.

Continued on the next page Page 1 — Page 2 — Page 3

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Article Author: Chris McVetta

Chris McVetta is a graduate of Cleveland State University and an alumni of The Second City creative writing program.

Chris has published hundreds of articles on pop culture, sports, film, TV and comedy in such venues as The Cleveland …

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Article comments

  • 1 - Matthew T. Sussman

    Aug 16, 2007 at 10:40 am

    Kevin Jones scowls at your disapproval.

  • 2 - Chris McVetta

    Aug 16, 2007 at 4:27 pm

    Kevin Jones?

    I was the first one to jump on THAT bandwagon his rookie season ...until all four wheels fell off.

  • 3 - Ryan

    Sep 06, 2009 at 12:47 am

    I think that you almost HAVE to include one of these Fantasy Football Running Backs in your team. All 5 of them are going to have a decent year. I actually reckon Brandon Jacobs could be the guy to surprise us all.

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