A lot of people just don’t understand the “appeal” of fantasy football ...just like I don’t understand the “appeal” of watching Grey‘s Anatomy, attending the symphony, or going to a wine bar - and (to quote Stuart Smalley) that’s …okay.
In most cases, with some rare exceptions like the lovely and talented Jennifer Garner, the land of fantasy football is mostly “a man’s world.” But a lot of ladies seem to be jumping on the bandwagon, as of late ...and that's okay, too.
Whatever the misguided case, millions of fantasy football fans return to their beloved sports bars, backyard brick patios and dank, dark, basements at the end of every summer (like the swallows of Capistrano) to draft their favorite NFL players.
We watch all the television shows on fantasy football (well, except the local ones hosted by the “Ted Baxter‘s“ of the world). We, as fans, read all the glossy magazines on fantasy football with their flashy photos, mesmerizing mock drafts and dizzying depth charts - we crave it like crack babies! We scour the Internet looking for any "salacious tidbits" about recent NFL rookies (Calvin Johnson, Adrian Peterson) and returning superstars (Vince Young, Larry Johnson) - like lonely housewives search for sobering secrets about Lindsay Lohan, Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton.
And sometimes, in a moment of quiet desperation, we even consult that colorful comic book masquerading as a national newspaper: USA Today.
Sweet Mother, we might even give “career coach” Joe Theismann a call for some advice (if he actually had a phone in the ESPN dumpster he is probably living out of, right about now) - and, more importantly, could help us win our fantasy football league instead of worrying about Brady Quinn combing his Fighting Irish hair.
Regardless, those of us “in the know” are well aware that:
a.) Michael Vick is “Purina Puppy Chow” - so don’t draft him!
b.) The Houston Texans (along with George Costanza) are probably not “Penske material” and
c.) It’s time to draft a quarterback, two running backs, two wide receivers, a tight end, a kicker and a defensive/special teams unit (or some such combination along those lines) as your starting team - and, hey, order that pizza, you pinheads!
LaDainian Tomlinson or Larry Johnson? Steven Jackson or Shaun Alexander? Like sands through the hourglass, these are the wasted days of our lives. No doubt, unless you draft with an entourage of friends who make worse decisions than Charlie Frye, LaDainian Tomlinson will be THE number one overall draft pick in each and every league (even though it will be tough to top last year‘s performance by everyone‘s favorite lightning bolt in a powder blue jersey - what else are you going to do, Einstein?).