Though I never met him, the death of former major league pitcher Steve Howe, 48, in an early morning, single vehicle, freeway accident in Southern California last week hit me hard and low. I always thought of Howe — whose career as a left-handed closer began so promisingly as Rookie of the Year for the Dodgers in 1980 before stuttering then stalling out after SEVEN suspensions for drugs and alcohol — as sort of my vastly more talented doppelganger.
Howe was just a few months older than I; we were of similar size, and we were both left-handed pitchers. Though my career peaked in high school, Howe was the Dodgers' closer by the time he was 22. I always rooted for him to get his career, then his life, back together long after he became much better known as a bad joke and an embarrassment than as a sensational pitcher. I never gave up on the guy - perhaps because it would have felt like giving up on myself.
I too had my problems with substance abuse all through my late-teens and twenties. I can't believe I never hurt myself or anyone else given the HUNDREDS of times I drove under the influence of alcohol over a period of about 15 years. The extent of my fortune and the severity of the consequences should my force field of luck falter, finally hit home on a late summer night in 1989.
For several years I had been telling myself that I was a better DJ when I drank - I relaxed, got into it more. I also got sloppy, ruined equipment and records, flirted with women I had no interest in, and said stupid things. But I could ignore that.
That night, my friend, the manager of a long-gone dance club carved out of the Sea Lion restaurant in Malibu, was going away to law school and I had just become separated from my first wife. So, for very different reasons, we raised many a glass together throughout the evening as I had entertained a gathering of tourists and locals while waves scenically danced against the breakwater and splashed upon the club's large picture windows.
With the drinking finally finished and the club closed, I brushed my teeth and scooped up a finger-full of peanut butter out of the jar I kept in the truck to mask the odor of alcohol. I chuckled at my own cleverness.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Matt Wardlaw
Eric,
I missed the news about Steve's death.
Quite a story you have presented here.
Glad that it has a happy ending on your end.
2 - Christopher Rose
When I saw the headline, I thought you meant the geezer from Yes.
3 - Eric Olsen
thanks Matt, so far anyway!
Chris, you are so not American.
4 - Phillip Winn
A masterpiece. Thanks for sharing.
5 - Christopher Rose
That is so true, Eric.
6 - Eric Olsen
thanks Phillip!
Chris, Recognition is half the battle.
7 - JELIEL³
Phew... I thought Steve Howe (The Guitar God) had died...
8 - Eric Olsen
he's way over 48 and probably can't hit 50 on the radar gun
9 - Christopher Rose
There's hope for us all, Mr Olsen!
10 - zingzing
you mean, it wasn't an over-the-hill, zonked out has-been who died? damn it, i really want Yes to go the way of the dinosaur. oh yeah... that happened 30 years ago...
11 - zingzing
no offense to the pitcher. fuck Yes. sheesh. cape wearing freaks.
12 - Eric Olsen
zz, so you're not outraged Yes isn't in the Rock Hall?
13 - zingzing
um... who cares about a hall of fame? i don't really think about the place.
14 - Eric Olsen
so you're a nihilist?
15 - zingzing
no... why do you ask? i don't care for Yes or the idea of a "rock n roll hall of fame..." but does that make me a nihilist?
16 - Eric Olsen
I have heard many nihilists often denigrate both the Rock Hall and Steve Howe, the guitarist
17 - Matthew T. Sussman
Much like Howe, who was himself in denihil.
18 - Christopher Rose
No, he was in Yes!
19 - Christopher Rose
Oh yes he was.
20 - zingzing
i am not your typical steve howe-rock hall hatin hater. but, really, i don't care if you want to label me a nihilist. whatever.
21 - DJRadiohead
EO, this reminds me of our conversation and your piece about your friends in TN: humanizing the tragedies in the newspaper. Well done, Sir.
22 - Eric Olsen
thanks Josh, or at least making it about me!
ZZ, just messing with you - joke!
Chris, you're talking to yourself.
Suss, classic line
23 - zingzing
e.o.--you must have missed the joke in mine... maybe it wasn't a very good joke... nope... it wasn't... oh well... i don't care anymore...
24 - Eric Olsen
ZZ, sorry, get it now, my bad! The Internet doesn't convey nuance very well.
25 - Dawn
I am so thankful that you were the observer that night, not the observed.
Great writing, as usual!