Well, it had to happen sooner or later. The fine folks at ESPN just cannot restrain themselves, you know. Or maybe their segment producers just have all the “creativity” of a hamster running relentlessly on a stationary wheel.
Hey, the ESPN brain stems must stew: Maybe we can mash it between the clip of Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell going down like a sack of Ultimate Fighting potatoes and Stephen A. Smith screeching like some half-crazed sports harpy selling used cars on a rainy day, huh? If you’re from Cleveland, Ohio, you know what’s coming next. If you’re from Cleveland, you can see this Shot - this Drive - this Fumble - this Mesa - stomping down Alfred Lerner Way (from a mile away).
“We now interrupt this ESPN program for a George Steinbrenner bowel movement…”
Whoop, there it is: Is Cleveland cursed? “Woe is us,” proclaims the national media meatheads from their predictable pedestals. “Cleveland sports are cursed,” they say. LeBron James “should have done this” and he “should have done that.” Michael Jordan surely would have fought through this adversity: An overpriced Larry Hughes (who should turn in his “Robin“ outfit for a “Mr. Freeze“ costume), a mystified Mike Brown, a marble rye mugging by the Pistons that would make Jerry Seinfeld squirm, and Anderson Varejao as electrifying as a crash test dummy - these are “The Ghosts That Haunt Me.”
Hey, I know the Cleveland Cavaliers are currently down to the less-than-dominant Detroit Pistons. I know the Cavaliers should have stolen at least one of the first two games of the Eastern Conference final. But I’m not making some sad excuses for LeBron James, the Cavaliers, or any other Cleveland team for that matter. Give the Pistons credit: They won, we lost.
But do I really need to see another “John Elway beats the Browns” ESPN homage on Sunday morning to clarify that Cleveland sports are cursed? Do I really need to see Craig Ehlo looking like he just choked on a pair of Hanes as Michael Jordan makes “The Shot” - again and again and again?
With all due respect to the “vaunted” New York Yankees, my Cleveland teams are the hottest thing in sports right now. Mr. Steinbrenner can throw his money away on prima donnas, free agents and calzones - and all his Yankees can do is flop around and flounder (this year anyway) in the national spotlight.
And, excuse me, it’s Cleveland that is cursed?
Hello, McFly! I don’t need the “Crayola scribblings” and “pretty pictures” of Sports Illustrated to tell me that Grady Sizemore is the real deal. Like Jimmy Olsen sitting atop The Daily Planet, I’ve seen “Super Sizemore” fly across the Cleveland city landscape - with my own eyes.
Article comments
1 - Count Dunkula
Jordan won his first championship, I believe, at 28. Everyone needs to give this kid a break, ESPN included. LeBron's playing a lot harder than any other 22-year-old. Can you blame the occasional deer-in-headlights slump game? At 22, Jordan was in college and still studying roundball as much as his books. Geez, at 22 I was nowhere near *my* stride... unless you count being passed out on campus couches in the union as "strident." If LeBron doesn't get past Detroit this year, it will happen eventually... the question is, with or without the Cavs? And to that I say, Dan Gilbert will fork out whatever LBJ wants come contract-time. But after so many years in C-Town, will LBJ want it is the question.
Cavs by 11 tonight. And back to Auburn Hills.
2 - Frankenstuff
Hey I think Michael Wilbon referenced this article of PTI today.
3 - Chris McVetta
"Don't you people have homes-?!?"
Count Dunkula - that's GREAT!
Thanks for the feedback, kids!
4 - Frankenstuff
Actually..my bad. It got picked up by MSNBC.
5 - The Daily Planet
I think you'd better check your Superman signal watch, Jimmy...