Terrell Owens Likes Donovan McNabb As Much As Cristiano Ronaldo Likes Paid Sex

Batting Around is BC Sports' look back at the week's happenings in the world o' sports, presented in a lineup card format for some undisclosed reason.

The Lineup Card

1. WR Terrell Owens
2. MF Cristiano Ronaldo
3. RF Juan Encarnacion
4. RF Magglio Ordoñez
5. C Dikembe Mutombo
6. 3B Jack Hannahan
7. RB Laurence Maroney
8. #88 Ricky Rudd
9. SP Erik Bedard
Coach: Joe Paterno

1. WR Terrell Owens — Okay, this is the year he's not a distraction. In 2007, the Dallas Cowboys will not do anything or say anything to deter his team's focus ... aw, crap.

In an interview with Time, a fan asked Owens who he would choose to have throw him the ball on a weekly basis, if given the opportunity. (Remember that, when Owens played with Philadelphia, he slighted Donovan McNabb by answering "Brett Favre.") With Tony Romo as his current quarterback, Owens replied, "Man, that's a tricky question. I don't want to cause trouble ... O.K., I would say Peyton Manning, then Donovan McNabb."

Don't worry, Romo. In two years, when Owens is playing with someone else, he'll want you as his quarterback.

2. MF Cristiano Ronaldo — The English record for the most goals in one game is 10, accomplished by Joe Payne in 1936. Cristiano Ronaldo's epic performance got him only halfway to that mark. Of course, Payne scored by kicking a soccer ball into a net. Ronaldo scored by nailing hookers.

Evidently after a Manchester United win over Leeds Tottenham earlier this season, Ronaldo and some teammates rounded up a quintet of serviceable women and had a night of it. One lady even went as far to say she'd have performed for free that night.

The orgy allegedly lasted four hours. First of all, who did they designate to sit in the corner with the stopwatch? Secondly, I guess dudes can last that long when said athletes play a sport without timeouts. Hats off to you, Mr. Ronaldo. Pants off, even.

3. RF Juan Encarnacion — Know why I was bad at baseball? I was always afraid of getting hit in the face with that ball. And that was just by pitches thrown and hit by little kids. But enough about how I spent my weekend.

The St. Louis Cardinals' journeyman outfielder was released from the hospital earlier this week after, while standing on deck, he took a foul ball line drive to the eye, shattering his left eye socket. His career could be over, but Encarnacion's vision is showing signs of improvement. Plus, how often do we hear that someone's career was once thought to be over, then he returns to the field and makes a clutch play at the end of a pivotal game?

Article Author: Matthew T. Sussman

Sussman is the sports editor of BC Magazine and the executive editor of Technorati. He also writes for Deadspin and Toledo Free Press. He and Tuffy can be heard hosting the Treehouse Fort, Sundays at 12 noon ET. Plus, he Twitters. …

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