10 p.m. Hawaii at Nevada, ESPNU - Hawaii has players from six different countries. Nevada has a guy named London.
10 p.m. Strikeforce: Miami, Showtime - Fighters will be controlled by 12-year-old button mashers.
Sunday, January 31
3:30 a.m. Australian Open Men's Final, ESPN2 - Roger Federer vs. Andy Murray. And here I thought the Swiss were neutral.
12 p.m. Winter X Games, ESPN - Wheeeeee!
12:30 p.m. Detroit Red Wings at Pittsburgh Penguins, NBC - Pretty soon Sidney Crosby is going to have his own late night show on NBC.
1 p.m. Denver Nuggets at San Antonio Spurs, ABC - Watch Renaldo and a Brazilian go up against Frenchman and a guy who flops. This is basketball, right?
1 p.m. PBA Dick Weber Open, ESPN2 - More excitement than a skills competition 7-10 split.
1 p.m. Florida at #14 Tennessee, CBS - No truth to the rumor Bruce Pearl will coach the game shirtless.
2 p.m. Manhattan at St. Peter's, ESPNU - The Lincoln Tunnel? At this hour?
3 p.m. PGA Tour, Farmers Insurance Open, final round, CBS - Q: What do you call it when a pro golfer smacks around one of his mistresses? A: "Tiger Uppercut."
3 p.m. (women) Purdue at Iowa, ESPN2 - Hey, State of Iowa. It's not polite to point.
3:30 p.m. Los Angeles Lakers at Boston Celtics, ABC - Red Wings/Penguins? Lakers/Celtics? Nobody is going to want to see these matchups.
4 p.m. (women) Marquette at DePaul, ESPNU - I wonder if Shy Johnson is the most vocal player on her team.
5 p.m. (women) Baylor at Texas, ESPN2 - You may lead your team in scoring, Ms. Raven, but your derivative spelling of Brittany is unacceptable.
6 p.m. (women) Georgia at Auburn, ESPNU - Seriously. Like, a LOT of women's basketball. But at least it counts, unlike...
...7:20 p.m. Pro Bowl, ESPN - FINALLY!
8 p.m. Wichita State at Southern Illinois, ESPNU - And if pickup football causes my attention to wane, there's always the Shockers and Salukis.