Two weeks ago I was bummed about the Yankees beating up on us over the weekend and chose to write about the Patriots.
This week I’m bummed about the Yankees beating up on us over the weekend and am choosing to write about the Patriots.
But this week I’m wearing different pants!
Last time, we covered the positions. This week – the games.
Week 1: Bills – We start the season off on Monday Night Football – a program I like to watch muted with a little Sirius radio in the background. And that was back when Theissman used to be color commentating. The Lynchless Bills shouldn’t be much of a threat in the early goings. Or the late goings, for that matter. The middle goings, however.. Bold Arbitrary Prediction: W (1-0)
Week 2: @ Jets – Matt Ryan be damned! Never bet on a rookie quarterback. Especially a Trojan one. If Kellen Clemens has, for some reason, been given the job; don’t bet on a guy named Clemens, either. Hard to believe, but this team would actually have been in better shape if they had re-signed Favre. How else will Mark Sanchez learn how to just have fun out there?! Bold Arbitrary Prediction: W (2-0)
Week 3: Falcons – The Atlanta Falcons: This year’s Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays. I was quite proud of my (Devil) Rays sophomore slump prediction and I see the same thing happening to Atlanta. Ooh, look! We got an aging tight end! Second Round, ahoy! Matt Ryan will come back to Earth. Michael Turner won’t break four yards a carry. Roddy White will pout his way out of town when the wheels come off. And Mike Smith? The Mike Brown of the NFL. Bold Arbitrary Prediction: W (3-0)
Week 4: Ravens – Here’s where the win streak comes into danger. And here’s where I start to hate the West Coast during football season. The 10 a.m. wakeup call. I’m a gentleman who enjoys an alcoholic beverage from time to time. I don’t wake up before noon when I’m sober, let alone when I’m … unsober. I hear you know, fair reader: “Get a TiVo, you ugly buffoon!” First of all, I may be ugly and I may be a buffoon.. Second of all, who am I? Johnny Zillionaire? Look at me, the well-to-do oil magnate with my TiVo and my top hat and my monocle! The Jets/Falcons contests are also 10 a.m. retina-rubbers, but this is the first one that’s really worth waking up/not going to sleep for. I see us running through those first three games, but this one will be a barnburner (or a “burnbarner,” as Charles Barkley would say); much like the battle in Bodymore two years ago. Bold Arbitrary Prediction: L (3-1)
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