Things finally looked up, though, when he led his new team, Real Madrid to their first La Liga championship in 2006-2007. Also, his English squad benefited from an accidental 50/50 ball ending up on Beckham's foot in a late 2006 match, allowing him to score from 55 yards out to win yet another tight match between Britain and East Timor. Immediately, the British fans accepted Beckham back into their hearts, falling back into love with his magical foot and smile. After all, they reasoned, what's that dead ol' bint worth compared to a golden footie god?
Beckham wished to leave Spain to return home, but his wife's eye condition now required the type of constant attention that could only be provided by being seen at Hyde at 2 am and the occasional ray of sunlight. Obviously, this required a move to Los Angeles since Britain could offer neither. Once again, he moved further from his homeland to suffer the indignities of unwanted fame and adoration in a whole new marketing opportunity.
This news obviously broke the hearts of many British soccer fans. It was widely reported that 14 despondent Manchester United fans committed suicide on hearing this news. However, 12 of the 14 died from electrocution caused by shoving a fork into a toaster; this is a fairly common form of accidental death for the typically learned Manchester United fan.
Still, Beckham soldiers on for his family and love of the game, taking the jersey of the LA Galaxy and promising to lift them to the glory that only an MLS Championship can bring. (It is believed such glory may include coupons to Applebee's and recycled T-shirts from the Multiple Listing Service.) It is hoped Beckham will bring much-needed attention to the little burg of Los Angeles, typically forgotten in the hustle and bustle of much more popular cities like St. Louis and Phoenix.
Article comments
1 - Scott Butki
This is hilarious. I just seeded it at Newsvine.
2 - Dr Dreadful
Almost as hilarious as the Google ads that popped up at the bottom of the article: the DVD of MI-5 and The Complete Book of Hair Styling.
3 - Dr Dreadful
It's a strange and somewhat sad fact that David Beckham's hair has been selected for the England squad more times than the golden boy himself.
4 - Christopher Rose
Great stuff, Tuffy!
5 - alessandro nicolo
Beckham and Jeter. The immigrant and the Native. Together they - with the help with Aquaman of course - will take on the terrorists.
Funny article.
6 - Candygram
1. No wayyyy Vicki is better looking than Di.
2. Tom Cruise would like to know which hairstyle will provide Beckham with the powers of a Scientologist, as he is desperately trying to ensnare the oft shy couple.
3. Didn't Beckham leave the US team due to an injury or somethin'?
I swear he played like 2 games and ran back to Englund on crutches.
4. Love the article. You should do these more often!