Following the Dallas Cowboys 23-7 defeat at the hands of the Philadelphia Eagles on Christmas night, I caught Terrell Owens talking to himself in the mirror trying to rationalize the loss.
Barely acknowledging my presence he said. "I'm bigger than that white dude with the Bunyan. Whasshisname? The big dude from Minnesota? Can't they see that?"
"Well.."
"Shut up. Come to think of it I'm bigger than the Dallas Cowboys and I look better than the Cowboy cheerleaders."
He flexes and admires his muscles in the mirror.
"You got a question for me?"
"I was just going to ask if..."
"Yeah, you know it. I know it. We all know it. I need the ball more often. My hands are too refined to not get the ball more."
Confused by this statement I asked, "Can you elaborate what you mean by that?"
"It's hard to do so with those voices in my head."
"Oh. How do you feel the team is doing now?"
"Team?"
"Yes."
"They say there's no 'I' in team but if you arrange two letters in team you get 'me.' "
Several minutes after, when the dressing room had been emptied and abandoned and players went on with their lives, Terrell Owens was still talking to himself in the mirror.
"I know they lost. But I didn't get the ball more."
He looked at me and smiled and said, "that's me pointing back in the mirror. You my boy. We can win this. Who needs the QB?"
I swear I heard something snap in him. It was like snapping a twig. Someone should sleep with Terrell Owens in the upcoming days to make sure he doesn't pop any "pills."
Slowly walking away, the mutterings of T.O. became muffled. It was best for everyone it was so.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
"They say there's no 'I' in team but if you arrange two letters in team you get 'me.' ""
Much like there's a T and an O in "douchehat."
2 - RJ Elliott
Well played!
3 - alessandro nicolo
Not even Romo-cop can help those butter fingers.
4 - Carolina Baby
T.O... Fucks ROMO nigga