Here’s a mock draft that makes a true mockery of the real draft. The rules are simple – in every sense of the word – as the NFL teams can only take players whose college mascot is of the same species as the pro team’s mascot.
By they way, rumor has it that the New York Post is going to print their own mock draft in their new "The Rumble" feature. They are going to use the Detroit Lions' draft board as determined by Matt Millen.
I can feel my IQ lowering by the second, so let’s get to it before any more drool glistens on my keyboard. But I will add that these are all real people and real colleges. So no names have been changed to protect the innocent.
The New York Football Giants (with an emphasis on THE). Just a quick aside, it bothers me to no end that on the local radio broadcasts the Giants are referred to in this manner. First of all, they haven’t played in New York for over 30 years. Second of all, the New York Baseball Giants moved to San Francisco over 50 years ago. So anyone confused as to which Giants game they are listening to on a crappy November day in New Jersey is too messed up to really understand anything that the announcers may have to say.
Anyway, the Giants pick Michael Bator, a freshman kicker from the Keystone College Giants of LaPlume, Pennsylvania. Mr. Bator – I’ll hold off on that one – is a soccer player and there’s no indication that he’s declared for the draft, but Giants’ Head Coach Tom Coughlin feels that with the good Lord’s help he can turn any man into a NFL punter or kicker.
The Washington Football Redskins. Oh sorry, I’m still pissed about, well never mind. Redskins owner Daniel Snyder is so clueless he actually thinks that these are the rules for this year’s draft.
The Redskins pick Andruw Jones of the Atlanta Braves. I guess Snyder had the last word after all.
The Dallas Cowboys. The team formerly known as America’s Team, now known as the Latest Team To Be Ruined By Terrell Owens.
The Cowboys pick Tye Conrey, a 6-foot, 270-pound offensive tackle from the Hardin-Simmons Cowboys of Abiline Texas. "Hairgel" Kiper had him in his offensive linemen top 20 after pulling an all-nighter at the Bristol, Connecticut TGIF’s right down the street from ESPN’s HQ. He has since amended his list.
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Article comments
1 - Fake Man
You really suck, don't be hating on the Seattle Seahawks. I know one thing, YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!!! And I'm glad that Seattle made it to the Super Bowl XL. I finally got the anguish out of my system by standing up to this squirrelhead. Sal Marinello, you're a robo-turd.
2 - sal m
in case you're unaware there are no personal attacks...however, in the case of mental incompetents we make an exception here at blogcritics.
and i'm sure i'm going to hell for hating the seahawks...that's right up there with gassing the kurds and with rod stewart singing songs from the american songbook.
3 - Matthew T. Sussman
The Buccaneers pick Ryan Armida, a 6'4" 235-pound wide receiver/kicker
Ooh, that's like two picks in one.
4 - sal m
and since he's from the massachusetts maritime academy he's also a sailor!