I went 6-10 last week straight up, and...uh...5-10-1 against the spread (again). That puts me at 22-26 straight up for the season, and 17-29-2 against the spread. For a comparison, check out the "experts" over at ESPN.
Here are my picks for the NFL's Week Four:
*Thursday, September 27*
Cleveland 0-3 at Baltimore 2-1/8:20 p.m. [Line: Ravens by 13]
Prediction: After a number of questionable calls in the first half, two of the replacement officials stagger on to the field with visible facial bruising to begin the third quarter. Ray Lewis denies any knowledge of what happened, but curiously the uniform he started the game with is never found.
-RJ's Pick: Baltimore by 9
*Sunday, September 30*
Carolina 1-2 at Atlanta 3-0/1:00 p.m. [Line: Falcons by 7]
Prediction: This one goes to overtime. Before the coin toss, Carolina WR Steve Smith calls heads. When the coin lands heads up, the replacement officials confer for several minutes to discuss whether or not that actually is the heads side of the coin. Once they have concluded that it is, they then debate whether they are supposed to count the side of the coin that is visible, or the side of the coin that's on the ground. By the time they figure out that it's the side facing up that counts, they've forgotten what Steve Smith had called. At this point Cam Newton completely loses his shit, picks up the football, and throws it as hard as he can directly into the crotch of the referee, like a scene from The Longest Yard. Atlanta is awarded the ball and goes on to win the game. Ed Hochuli, who was watching the game at home, is hospitalized with sympathy pains.
-RJ's Pick: Atlanta by 3
New England 1-2 at Buffalo 2-1/1:00 p.m. [Line: Patriots by 4]
Prediction: Bill Belichick, apparently not having learned his lesson after making contact with an official last week, attempts to garrote the side judge with a ligature of chain after a phantom pass interference call.
-RJ's Pick: New England by 8
Minnesota 2-1 at Detroit 1-2/1:00 p.m. [Line: Lions by 4.5]
Prediction: Each team is awarded unlimited time outs, and the game concludes just before midnight.