Rife with Questions, the Mariners Look to the Future - Page 3

Wladimir Balentin and Jeremy Reed should battle it out for the rights to Cameron’s Woods, otherwise referred to as center field. It’s possible that Ichiro may give it another go, but the Japanese giant’s legs wore out two-thirds of the way through last year, so his presence in right field is all but assured. And for the conspiracy theorists claiming that Ichiro’s time in Seattle is finished, it’s time to wake up and smell the green. There’s no other Mariner that brings in more revenue, no one as flamboyant, exciting, or debonair as the “Kasugai Killa’.” With the immediate future already in the tank, ownership won’t risk turning Safeco Field into Dolphins Stadium, and while Ichiro may not bring clubhouse leadership, he brings the crowds. And if that wasn’t enough, his stats are ridiculous: eight years of 200-plus hits alongside a composite .331 BA and 1.02 OPS? Ring me up Pete Rose — it’s time to crown a new hit champion.

So with Ibanez, Bloomquist, Beltre, Lopez, center field, and left field up in the air, you’d think Zduriencik’s play couldn’t hold much more, right?

Um, no.

Kenji Johjima, he of LVP fame, is currently slotted at catcher, much to Jarrod Washburn’s chagrin. Joh is an all-encompassing hole in the lineup, seeing more strikes than the Paris subways and missing more swing than Hiroshima’s 1945 playgrounds. His unprompted contract extension turned heads, and the questions he garnered were exacerbated by his (gulp) .227/7/39 line.

Furthermore, queries of the time arose from his blockage of Jeff Clement, the Mariners’ super-prospect. However, Bavasi, in his bald-pated wisdom, may have been on to something. It appears that Clement can’t grasp the nuances of the pitching staff, so a move to first base is in the works. Or not. Or…maybe. No one’s really sure at this point, just as no one’s sure why Zduriencik is sporting the same hairdo as his predecessor (…creepy).

But if Clement can’t handle a big-league staff, it’s not his fault. After all, he’s yet to see one. Want proof? Go wash down some rancid meat with a glass of sour milk, then look at the lines of Washburn, Silva, and Miguel Batista, and tell me which one makes you feel worse. This is the most terrible threesome since Bush, Cheney, and Wolfowitz, but the latter trio will at least get book deals out of their debacle. Washburn is unsalvageable, Silva only performs when his stomach is full — an incredibly rare feat — and Batista is constantly getting distracted by his next volume of poetry. Felix, Morrow, and Ryan Rowland-Smith have all carried this bloated (literally) staff, but their youth and inexperience will only take them so far.

Article Author: Casey Michel

Casey Michel is a student at Rice University who, despite a Pacific Northwest rearing, somehow found himself in Houston. He bleeds Blazers black and Mariners blue, and likes to think his teams are always just ONE player away.

Visit Casey Michel's author page — Casey Michel's Blog