Dear Sox Fans,
It's time to relax a bit about this whole Yankees playoff loss thing. Don't blame Grady. Don't blame Pedro. Blame me.
That's right. I was asking for too much this year. Since all of you exist in my world, you and the Red Sox have fallen because of my greediness. I simply forgot that one of my teams won it all already this year. The Syracuse Orangemen took the NCAA Tourney in April and that was it... it's very rare that you get more than one opportunity to win in a year unless you hop bandwagons like a horny tuba player with a pack of condoms. I am not sure how I could have gotten our collective hopes up. For that I am sorry.
I promise next year to focus solely on the Red Sox. Not the Buffalo Bills or Sabres... nor the LA Clippers... not even the Bossier City Battle Wings... just the Red Sox.
Also, I think you should know that God is not a baseball fan, so you can tell all the players to stop pointing skyward after each big hit or great catch.
How do I know?
Being on a first name basis, I asked him last night for a few favors.
"Jimbo," I said because that is his first name (not a lot of folks know that God's first name is Jim, let alone are able to call him "Jimbo"), "let Trot hit a homer. He always said you help him. Show me what a fan you are."
The same went for Mueller and Mirabelli.
I swear I never mentioned Aaron Boone to Jimbo. The only utterance I said involving the name "Boone" was "It's too bad Grady Little sounds like he is chewing on Sammy Davis Jr.'s glass eye when he speaks... he has no chance to be a color commentator... well, then again he at least does speak more than Brett Boone."
The silver lining in this dark cloud is that I have my evenings back to do whatever I please. Even better though, Fox doesn't. Honestly, it couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of Right-Wingers! They are stuck with the Yankees and the Marlins... and 4000 more promos for Skin.
I don't think anyone outside of NYC and Miami cares about that series now.. probably not even the tuba player. People really wanted the Cubs and Red Sox. I know I don't care. I think I am done with baseball until the Spring.
Yours in collective sorrow,
PS: Go Marlins.
*This article appeared today on brianlewandowski.com.