Remember that scene in Tommy Boy when the Chris Farley character is trying to convince a potential customer that brake pads don't need a guarantee on the box?
Customer: But why do they put a guarantee on the box?Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
Maybe Rasheed Wallace never saw that movie, because he guaranteed victory for his Pistons against the Cavaliers Monday night in Game 4, thinking that if Mark Messier can do it, by gum it can work for the Motown Five.
Unfortunately for Detroit's power forward/Nostradamus impersonator, the Pistons lost a nailbiter to the Cavaliers, 74-72. Kreskin weeps.
Here's the funny thing, though: They could have won. The Pistons shot horribly (33 percent from the field) and lost by a bucket. 27 percent from the three-point district. Both teams hauled down 36 rebounds. Both teams' turnovers were close—actually, Cleveland had more turnovers.
But more points. And that's kind of important.
The two squads were knotted at 72 with 1:01 remaining before a LeBron James free throw put Cleveland ahead for good.
Detroit missed a couple shots in the final minute, lost the ball on a Chauncey Billups charge, and blew a chance to make the winning basket in the waning seconds.
The finish alone made this game noteworthy, but the jabbering before the game by Detroit's white-spotted spokesperson made it personal. Rasheed had to know his entrance into Quicken Loans Arena that night was going to be one of—how shall we say?—colorful response from the lively Cavalier fans. And much to their delight, Wallace suffered an ankle injury in the second quarter and is off-game including a bench ride for the last four minutes.
But Detroit's bench didn't help them out much, either. Their non-starters only amassed 7 points, compared to Cleveland's 21 bench points.
So now the series is tied at 2-2, and hopefully Rasheed Wallace has learned his lesson about not guaranteeing victory against anybody, especially a team with a 21-year-old like LeBron James who has yet to be told he's 21 and just decides to take control of a close playoff game, almost by whim.
Right now the Cavaliers are selling a quality product. They haven't relented in either game at home, and they've surged quite nicely when it matters most: the fourth quarter. Those statheads at ESPN have discovered that in the last two games the Cavs have outscored the Pistons by 12 in the final quarter.
As for 'Sheed? Well, he did get hurt, but he backed it up with just 7 points on 3-of-13 shooting. He's the one who took a dump in a box.
Game 5 will be played across Lake Erie back in Detroit Wednesday night, and many of the analysts are still penciling in the Pistons to advance. It's a smart bet, but this series has exploded with intrigue and improved its value after the Game 1 laughingstock. Who knew after the Pistons 2-0 lead that the same series has the potential for an unforgettable Game 7? It just may.
And that's my guar ... prediction.
Article comments
1 - Q Bit
Want to put money on yr prediction? :-)
Here's mine: Pistons win the series 4-2.
Do you know "Guaranteed by Sheed" had an enviable record of 4-0 before misfortune came over? :-))
But again if colorfully smart and dumb (all in one) people like Rasheed are not around, I could get really bored watching the Pistons, Ben Wallace's hairdo and Rip Hamilton's mask.
2 - Mark Bellinghaus
Oh--before I forget it: that was the most boaring article I have ever read on this wonderful website that is called BLOGCRITICS!
3 - RJ Elliott
I love the Pistons. But, Rasheed is my least favorite of them all, despite arguably being the most talented of them all.
He is arrogant, obnoxious, loud-mouthed, and rude. He collects technical fouls like they're Beanie Babies. He hates Bush. And he, quite frankly, blew Detroit's chances of the repeat last year by blowing a defensive assignment to cover Robert Horry in Game Five of the NBA Finals.
Oh, and I HATE his fuckin' "Guaran-Sheeds"...he does it like twice a year, and even though the Pistons usually triumph afterwards, it's still annoying.
So. Pistons in 6. But hopefully Rasheed gets traded next year for someone a little more stable and classy...
4 - Mark Bellinghaus
He is arrogant, obnoxious, loud-mouthed, and rude. He collects technical fouls like they're Beanie Babies
OMG--that is him: the author!
5 - Matthew T. Sussman
But Rasheed was the final piece of the puzzle in making them an Eastern Conference threat to the team that took down the Lakers in the famed "Five Game Sweep."
6 - zingzing
mark: master of the metaphor, critic elite!
7 - Q Bit
My bad. I lost my crystal ball. Cavs lead 3-2 and am not predicting anything from tonight.
8 - RJ Elliott
'Sheed helped the Pistons lose again...getting a "T" in the 4th quarter after complaining about a foul that he clearly committed...and despite his teammates trying to push him away, he still pissed off the officials enough to merit a "T" and some serious time on the bench in a crucial game...DUMP HIM IN THE OFF-SEASON, MR. DUMARS!
Please!!!
9 - RJ Elliott
But Rasheed was the final piece of the puzzle in making them an Eastern Conference threat to the team that took down the Lakers in the famed "Five Game Sweep."
Probably. But what has he done for the Pistons lately?
You know, other than get suspended for 16 or 17 technical fouls in the regular season, and forcing out the highly-talented Mehmet Okur by his very (salary cap) presence on the roster, and ruining Detroit's chances of a repeat by not covering Robert Horry in Game Five of the Finals last year, and motivating the Cavs in Game Four of the current series by making some lame-ass "guaran-sheed" prediction, and...
The guy is a cancer. Not as bad as an Owens or a Moss. But he still hurts his team because of his attitude and his antics.
TRADE HIM FOR BONZI WELLS! HAVE TAYSHAUN PRINCE BULK UP IN THE OFF-SEASON SO HE CAN PLAY POWER FORWARD! PLEASE!!!
10 - Q Bit
calm down RJ
11 - RJ Elliott
NEVER!!!
lol...
12 - phil
its 3-2 and the cavs are winninig this game 2nite
13 - RJ Elliott
DIDN'T HAPPEN!!! :)
14 - RJ Elliott
Lebron is a great athelete, and will be back to the playoffs next year, no doubt.
But he couldn't finish. He was terrible in the 2nd half of Game Seven.
The mistakes he made are the mistakes a 21-year old superstar in his first playoff series is apt to make. I suspect he'll be more seasoned next year, and will have developed the killer-instinct that is neccesary in the later rounds of the NBA playoffs...
15 - RJ Elliott
"The mistakes he made are the mistakes a 21-year old superstar in his first playoff series is apt to make."
Should be:
"The mistakes he made are the mistakes a 21-year old superstar playing in his first post-season is apt to make."
16 - shash_bro
PISTONS ROCK!!
They proved it again, by emerging victorious in a nailbiting series. Actually rasheed's Guarantee was indeed a guarantee seal but then Pistons were too bored of sweeping teams that came their way, so maybe they wanted to make this series a little more interesting....
I m a hard core PISTONS fan and my fav: BIG BEN.
17 - RJ Elliott
"then [sic] Pistons were too bored of sweeping teams that came their way"
The Pistons haven't swept a team in years...