Fifth grade was a zenith year when it came to this writer's sports accomplishments. Awards (read: participation) in both bowling and basketball topped the mantle. Then again, this wasn't high school. Places were allowed to have more than one team. Once seventh grade rolled around, these dubious events called "tryouts" began determining who played. Needless to say, Lil' Stumbles didn't have a chance to even sniff the bench, because that spot was reserved for Lil' Stumbles taller best friend, Lanky McClanky.
Fortunately, with the Internet, everyone can recapture those lost moments without making their own homemade, poor quality trophies. Sent to me by righteous contributor Geeves, there's a website out there called Prep Sportswear that pretty much lets you generate any apparel with your high school's name, mascot, and colors on it. For bonus points, it appears to have a near comprehensive number of middle school, junior high, and elementary schools. (I checked for my preschool. No dice.)
Now, I doubt I'd drop $20 on a t-shirt, even if it does have some novelty value, but here's where it gets fun.
In my former life I traveled to a lot of small towns, and with it I saw many hilarious mascots. The best of them all was the Centralia (Illinois) High Orphans. Sure enough, they're on there, abandoned children and all. The only factual error is that the women sports teams are actually nicknamed the Annies.
Five years ago, you may remember the ESPN commercials starring the Watersmeet Township (Michigan) Nimrods which ended with the phrase, "Without sports, who would cheer for the Nimrods?" Well, they have those too. Although the school doesn't receive a dime, they seemed to do pretty well for themselves already.
The other hilarity in this is that the site seems, for the most part, unmoderated. You can submit any kind of team whatsoever into the database, and shirts can be made from it. For example, there appears to be a slow pitch softball team in California called the Chainsaw Sex Vikings. Perhaps not. But haven't you always wanted a t-shirt for your fake sports team? Here, you have my permission.
But if you're not about spreading lies and fiction, then you can just hunker down in reality and say, "Of course I made the team in seventh grade. Otherwise, why would I have an Arbor Hills Junior High Roadrunners basketball sweatshirt?"